egg foucault*

so i just finished reading discipline & punish for the second time. and strangely, i think i got more out of it the first time.

but in a class of 9 women and 1 man, the conversation evolved into gendered discipline. and i realized that in many instances women become responsible for the discipline of men. motherhood is perhaps the most prevalent example, but wives, girlfriends, teachers, etc. all play a role. not to say that this dynamic is always gendered, but women are often the parties looked to for maintenance of discipline.

and its something i've certainly internalized. with my former crew of boys, i often took on the role of sheparding home (especially after blondies), making sure no one got in fights. it was i who discouraged honking at women walking down the street (which of course has multiple layers of stuff going on). and i was always the one pushing for civilized things like brunches, and grocery shopping, and limiting the stroh consumed (which i would argue has a direct correlation with lack of discipline).

and so, in a way, i feel the need to apologize for letting all the subconscious gendered disciplining factors invade my personality. but on the other hand, apologizing only serves to reinforce the discipline i've already found myself in. sometimes, the uncomfortable places are the important ones. sometimes, its better to let people find their own way than to lead them. and so, i will not be disappointed in myself, despite my attention to discipline.

instead i will treat myself to a caribbean vacation.
next time i write, it will be with a tan (or sunburn)

*props to Val for the brilliant nickname...or was it Mags?

plagas

my week has been full of plagues, of both semi-literal and figurative senses.

i had a rather emotionally rough sunday night. accompanied by a sudden termite infestation. one moment i was was sitting on my couch, the next i go into the bedroom and there are about 15 bugs swarming around my light fixture. in the bathroom the sink was filled with them, and their moulted wings covered the floor. i spent the evening being resentful, swatting, crying, Raid-ing, and talking for 5+ hours.

i eventually recovered from both. after a few conversations with r___ and r___ (not r____), my mom, and some deep thinking, i've realized i have no reason to be guilty or regretful. and i believe there's no sense in resentment. i was in a much better mental state for about 24 hours.

then last night, i fell asleep reading foucault at 9ish, and woke up at midnight to a kitchen that was totally flooded. the rain poured all day and eventually seeped through the foundation it seems. i put the de-humidifier in the kitchen and hoped it would help a little. this morning, the pooling water and been transformed by that wonderful machine to just sopping wet carpet.

but, as i went to turn on my computer for the conference call with elsa, i had some problems. it just won't turn on. apparently, "no operating system [is] detected." well, i've been meaning to buy a new computer for a while, and really 5 1/2 years for a laptop is a pretty good lifespan. but i'm poor, and well, i want a mac, and macs are expensive, so i'm not sure what my plan is this point. i can probably do without anything for the rest of the week and make a decision after spring break.

so its an unlucky week, but at least i'm headed to a caribbean island soon. though this doesn't bode well. i certainly hope this doesn't compare to the spring break i had in florida with uncle joey. i have no interest in taking a bus (or raft) to tobago, then spending time consoling a divorced, bi-polar, drunk-driving relative.

and on that note, i leave you with my favorite movie quote of all time

man 1 (to man 2): Estupido!

man 2 (to man 3): What's he saying?

hace dos anos

i am sitting on my couch watching the pre-oscar red carpet interviews.

i'm a little sickened by the way we glorify celebrity, and the utter extravagance (and wastefulness) of it all. but that's for another time...

i had a more important realization a few moments ago. two years ago, i went to devo's birthday party on a saturday night. i spent the evening talking to an NU geologist, and listening to devo tell me about when he and teddy had bedbugs. images of the mars star in full sweatsuit, socks, and stocking cap ready for bed were rather amusing.

the next night was the oscars. i watched with pabst and popcorn in hand and settled into a post-award show slumber on my mattress on the floor. in the morning i woke up with two small bites on my hand.

and so began the year of sleeping hell. the smell of that blue-capped raid bottle will forever turn my stomach. "sleep tight" will never quite have the same meaning for me, and I'll never say it to my possible future children. small dark flecks on the wall freak me out. everytime i wake up with an itch i get paranoid.

in the end, i'm just glad its over. though it certainly changed my stance on ddt. i guess my ecological idealism doesn't stand a chance en frente lived experience.

notes on the professor's visit

ponger always uses the wrong pronoun. of course, this, he says, is because they "do not have pronouns in my country." in any case, i am always "sir," and jcmc is always referred to as "she" when not referenced as "nell's boyfriend." usually this is all in good fun, and one of the many lovable aspects of frimdog's ideolect (like "come again?" and "cursory perusal"). but, in the presence of transpeople, i was a little scared. would it put him/us in an uncomfortable situation? would he use the wrong pronoun, and be misinterpreted as delegitimizing gender identity?

but in the end, ponger was his usual, charming, funny, drunk on the captain self. and its a shame our paths cross so infrequently. at least we've now officially authored our first paper together. here's to 299 more!

i have the postal service in my blood. i am the grandchild of two postmasters (for lack of a genderneutral term that denotes a more prominent position than "postal worker"). my best friend's father is a postmaster. its something i grew up with.

then i ended up on the rez, and somewhere between the politics of standardized testing among native americans and watching the Ladies Man one too many times, the term mail man took on particularly important meaning in my life.

but after a few years of dealing with the jc usps, i lost hope. when the r___ and i changed our address it took over a month for the forwarding to kick in (and monmouth to pavonia is really only 3 or 4 blocks). on top of that, they lost 4 (important) packages over the course of 8 months. at some point i decided i was going to start fed exing instead.

but today, due to no particular conscious action by the usps, the mail service was redeemed. really i have two of my favorite people to thank. in my mailbox, when i got home from school, i found chocolate and music (along with some very nice notes with them). and though the contents of the two envelopes were quite exciting, it was the thinking behind them that really made the difference.

for me at least, there will always be something particularly distinctive and touching about real mail. holding something someone else has touched, that was meant for you. though in some ways, it communicates less than a phonecall or email, in other ways it communicates on a deeper level. i won't start quoting the note accompanying the cd, but its nice to find alternative ways to communicate with people that are important to you. blogging is one thing. sending a piece of yourself in whatever form is better...

musica

well, i had a rough night a few saturdays ago. i was rather emotional, but two good friends who are all too far away made me feel better, and i came to an important realization.
as yellow was telling me that stoner bear wanted to give me a hug, i realized some of my favorite people in the whole world still respect their bears: davis, stonerbear, stitchy. and i certainly still respect mine. and i think there's something to be said for (pseudo) adults that aren't afraid to hug a plush animal once in a while.

bears aside though, i took a lot of long walks, and listened to some music, and was feeling better by the end of the week. i had my ipod on shuffle for one of the first times, and i've come to the conclusion that the amalgum of songs on my pod reads like a natural history of my past relationships (and not necessarily relationships). from devil's haircut to rabbit fur coat, my music has intertextuality and continues to be entextualized. neutral milk hotel, bjork, and the shins strike a deep chord. those songs are reminiscent of those remarkable moments in life--road trips to california, lakefill sunrises, and chinle campouts--and continue to take on new meanings as the songs are recycled.

they hit me almost as strongly as smells of herbal essences shampoo, coffee scented lip balm, and the smell of rotting corn on a humid summer/fall day.

on the other hand, i thought tonight would be an appropriate time to finally put together a playlist of the songs i put on the "breakup album" for the r_____ last year. and i realized that not only do these songs have very little meaning for me, i only had three of the ten on my computer already. pitiful. and now as i sit here listening to some "i don't love anyone" i wonder how long it will be until these songs become entextualized and evocative.

futbol americano

it was kind of a shitty weekend. it started with a rainy day. saturday was more pleasant, but in the evening crappy stuff occurred. but at least i had a birthday party to attend which was full of merriment, and people (deb) being excited about my new research direction.

i had quite an assortment of booze and past out on kronner's futon. then i lost a contact. fortunately, har-gill drove me home. i took a long walk and cleared my head. i got some school work done.

then i set out for participant observation. har-gill & i both had to do some, with differing topics, but when combined, we had the perfect site. a gay sports bar. and it was the superbowl! so after a tasty dinner of fajitas at his place, we drove to nellie's and participated in drinking while observing behavior. what was most striking to me was that i was the "expert" on football. i was told that the giants were a baseball team, not a football team on the way to the bar. once we arrived, i had to explain the scoring. i had to tell everyone why the cameras kept showing peyton when the giants scored.

and then, after the game, i got a ride all the way back to tenley. so many mood swings, so many unrequited feelings. but in the end, you can't go wrong being a hag, i guess.

dos meses

my life has too much synchronicity right now. i watch a movie, and somehow find myself in the same situation. i make up a stupid metaphor, and it comes true. maybe i just notice it because i'm sad, and don't have much of an outlet, except for the booze i'll consume at the party tonight.

i miss the simple days when things were clear. when people were close. when there was no moral value or deeper underlying meaning to what i wanted. when i didn't have to stop and ask if i was compromsing myself. when i didn't question who exactly i was. when i knew what settling was, and what it wasn't. i said in a phone call today, we all just really want that card that's guarenteed to be redeemable in 5 years for a really great relationship. but they don't exist.

and there's part of me that says, maybe i should change. maybe if i do this, or or give up that, or promise something entirely impossible things could work out. but the truth is, even if we were both committed to the goal, there are too many obstacles.

and i maintain, its better to eat the whole block of cheese than let it get moldy.

necessito dormir

there's some movie that includes the line "when you have insomnia you're never really awake and never really alseep" or something to that effect. i want to say its fight club. doesn't really matter though...

what matters is i've slept for less than 5 hours the last 4 nights. And I keep thinking at some point my body will need more. But it just doesn't. I went to bed around 12:30 tonight. fell asleep fairly quickly. at 1:15 I woke up. I lied in bed waiting to fall asleep again. at 2:30 I gave up and thought I'd try to get some work done.

The problem is, i feel overly caffeinated (despite the fact that when tired this afternoon I went for the non-caffeinated peppermint tea over the weird smelly caffeinated stuff e.e. recommended). I can't concentrate on the book. I get half-thoughts, and all the "NGOs" on the page blur together. So what the hell am I supposed to do? I already feel behind. and I'm going to be at school all day tomorrow, and most likely get very little reading done because of various meetings and other obligations.

My mother would suggest that its all because I'm preoccupied. Or perhaps just not getting any exercise. But I have been getting physical activity. and I'm feeling pretty content at the moment. Other than the fact that this lack of sleep is causing me to be less productive. anyway, there's really no point to me writing this. all i'm doing is wasting more time being unproductive. time for some sleepytime tea.

clink

I've been trying to come up with something to write here since wednesday. and perhaps a blog is not the most highly regarded ways of memorializing a person, but its what i've got, and i don't think she'd mind.

Connie was a profound influence on my life. i first remember encountering her in 1992. I played a munchikin in the high school's production of The Wiz. I remember a random sampling of moments from the play. I remember Betsy braiding her hair (13 years later my sister would play the same role, braids and all). I remember Brian Harmon putting his vest on upside down. I remember Steven Hartke (the tin man) holding up his axe as a signal to whoever was running the light board. i remember one of the Miller sisters trying to put makeup on me, and it being all blotchy. i remember the NCHS speech team sending the cast flowers with a note that said "Good Luck, Don't Suck." At that age, it was shocking...I didn't use that kind of language.

4 years later it became a central part of my lexicon. "Good luck, don't suck. I'm going to feed the ducks." It was Connie's most sincere way of encouraging. I learned a lot of things from Connie, the least being what "feeding the ducks" really meant. I learned my middle name was Ann. I learned how to hug her. I learned not to take Suter's criticisms too seriously (just seriously enough). I learned not to "use glue as deodorant." I learned not to let her interfere with my love life. I learned to walk in heels (a skill I've since lost). I learned not to skip finals. I learned lollypops are an awful fundraiser. I learned to play euchre. I learned others were jealous of the hey hi family. I learned how to "fly." I learned where she kept her cleaning products. I learned I should consult her before chopping off my hair. I learned that one need not be able to sing to have a part in a musical. I learned that Lauren Bacall went a long way with a scratchy voice. I learned who to lean on. I learned that something was amiss at the circle K. I learned there was humor in live chickens. I learned how to do a sugar shot. In essence, I learned that "I already had the potatoes, I just needed the gravy."

And now, i take stock of my life and see traces of her everywhere. She is present in the material posessions I have in my apartment. She is present in the way I construct and argument. Every time I give a presentation I silently thank her for not being nervous. I watch other speakers rock back and forth or with arms glued to their sides and smirk. I was told recently that I have very distinctive gestures. I owe them (for better or for worse) to her.

Connie was a teacher, a coach, a director, a mentor, a class advisor, an employer, and a friend. I contemplate what she did for me, and then think of the hundreds of other students she touched and wonder where I fall along the continuum. The funny thing is, I don't think any of us were just another kid. Even the ones she got frustrated with (I now have a vision of Gordo with a football shaved in his head) were truly loved deep down.

I last saw Connie two years ago and her retirement celebration. I somehow ended up at the table with her and it was wonderful to catch up. In some ways I feel guilty for not visiting her last time I was home, knowing full well it was probably my last chance. But in some ways I'm glad my last memory of her is still as the spunky, outspoken, but caring individual I looked up to so much. And as I looked around the room at that event, I saw all the other people who had been affected so deeply. And reconnecting with them was really amazing and valuable. It was because of her that we all loved each other so much. And maybe I'm overly romanticizing the relationships I had with the speechies and the kids from the park, but they are the people I still keep in touch with. They're the ones that make me proud of my roots and I hope that legacy continues. Without Connie it will be hard, but I think she's an amazing enough influence that she will continue to be felt, long after her physical presence has been lost.

I'm going to try to go home next weekend, and if/when I do, I will most certainly "Go to Ash."

her obituary

i saw three good movies this weekend.
friday, i saw pan's labrynth with biij & lebanon. very depressing, but beautiful and captivating. in a way, its that beauty that hurts.

saturday, i watched the science of sleep, which did not impress me as much as eternal sunshine, but was still very much worth seeing. and that's not just because of g.g.b.

last night, after getting hopped up on a lot of jasmine tea, i saw 10 items or less. which was fantastic! undoubtedly my favorite of the three.


and so, in light of my inspiration, here are 10 things i loathe:

people who walk too slow
asking directions
my nemesis
distance between people
unnecessary plastic bags
midtown rush hour path train
pennsylvania
the princess bride
coffee
kissing someone who smokes

and the 10 things i'd keep

merrell boots
purple scarf
maryanne
skinny legs and all
funshine
the painting in my room at the ps' house
the rez picture from chaco
camera
the slippers juana made
the midwest

mis propositos

well, its that time of year, and i've made a few resolutions. i'm going to try to be a wiser consumer. buying more second hand. buying more local food. that sort of thing. i also want to pay more attention to what i'm putting in my body, and get back in the yoga habit. finally, i've been realizing i never really listen to music any more. so i resolve to listen to music rather than watch tv, at least some times.

i'm back in dc and feeling very different than i was at home. i feel less needy. more just here. not necessarily in a good or bad way, but the things i was so preoccupied with in heytown are less affecctive here. though in some ways things still pull at me, but i think i'm learning to live with the questions. or maybe i'm just in a funk today.

i've read some stuff for next semester, and am quite pleased that the other things i'm supposed to have read i read last semester. i'll look at them again before monday, but for now i feel sort of caught up. though i think i'll try to make more of a dent in my butler book or the maya healing. and i still need to do more research on dv in bolivia. but its only 6pm, and i don't really have a plan for the evening. other than that there is crap all over my place that needs to be put away. sigh.....

deuce

i went to the circle last night for karoke. the second time on this trip home. of course, the first attempted resulted in a surprise encounter with a man-stripper, and total lack of karoke.

last night, however, did not disappoint. there was plenty of dixie chicks, johnny cash, and kid rock/sheryl crow to go around. i ran into twilla, and she was sweet as ever. i also saw the tear-inducing turner, and we had a nice brief chat. he said he's been working in construction, and perhaps it was just the booze talking, but he said a few times that he should have paid more attention in school, but he was trying to be a rebel. i responded that he seemed happy, and to be doing well, so really, he shouldn't be too regretful.

i think in our own little way we were coming to terms with each other. he was saying, "sorry i thought you were a dork in high school, now i realize you knew what was up." and i was saying "sorry i thought you were a deadbeat in high school. now i realize you knew what was up." i hope it was our own little artis/miller moment. thankfully, this one didn't take a funeral.

tubular

just stumbled across native american tube. i thought it deserved a link. partially so i can find it later.

enjoy.

today marks the 2 year anniversary of the last real rez rendezvous. and about 6months until the next (hopefully). i'll be missing all my bilagaanas tonight.

cerdos y mantequilla

well, iowa showed up twice in my google alerts today.

first, ol duff dog made another obama tribute in butter

second, edwards apparently is advocating a national moratorium on the construction or expansion of concentrated animal feeding operations. you'd think that'd be enough to sway duffy, but i guess she's more multi dimensional than i give her credit for.

anyway, i was in ol ioway yesterday for a lovely family lunch at bennigans. it was good time talking with with cousin doug about guatemala, and i got to see the newest of my nieces once removed (sobrina mas o menos), and heard about the birth of my newest nephew once removed. i think i'm using that kinship term correctly. cousins' kids...who knows really. anyway, on the way back home we stopped for some refreshment, and i found myself some swiss valley chocolate milk. its my favorite dairy because that's where duff's milk goes. and i trust her product. she knows her milk.

el mismo

sorry to disappoint, but the scandalousness that was aaa will not be recounted further in the blog. i'd like to keep some level of composure here.

but i will recount my last several days. i spent them in the basement of batelle. in the cubes. no sunlight, no cell phone service. just computer screens, florescent light, and lots of anthronerdiness.

one of my strangely favorite memories of the dale was the weekend before finals, that first semester. the crew and i put on our thinking pants, headed to faner, and spent our weekend typing away. no, it wasn't the most pleasant of times, but it did produce a lively dodgeball-esque hissing cheer, and the appendix of alternative titles to my marxist eco-feminist archaeology paper (my favorite still being "Bones, Bitches, and Debitage: A Marxist Ecofeminist Interpretation of Khok Phanom Di") .

and in a very different way, this weekend served the same role in my life. the commeraderie was different, but still present. there were horseshoe mustache debates, and absinthe plans made. really, all that was missing was the thinking pants. but what this really all serves to say is that i feel my socialization is somewhat complete now. i belong (and perhaps am a citizen?). i am a part of the department, and really i probably should have just been spending more time in the cubes much earlier, but well, i guess maybe there was a part in me that wanted to remain the mysterious h.c. alas, the mystery is over, but i don't regret it for a moment.

aaa redux

apparently the r____ feels my original aaa blog is insufficient. so i will tell a little story about how my worlds collided.

on friday, i left gero's award ceremony thing, and went off in search of a water fountain to fill my water bottle. i assumed somewhere near a restroom would be a good bet. but the marriot is a confusing place. i wandered around in circles for a while, then asked a catering man where the restrooms were. he pointed to the nearest ones, and i followed his finger.

as i neared them, i saw a guy in a suit sitting on the floor. he looked familiar. it was the cope from md who had come to the pub anth conference. so i said hello, and we began talking. shortly afterwards, a man walked past and the two said hello. i asked who it was. cope said "no one you know." i said, "was that webster?" he said, "oh. yeah? how do you know him?"

i explained the c-town connection. webster came back, and the three of us began chatting, when c-town frank's best friend came along as well. knowing both webster and i we all began to talk. cope decided he needed coffee before his job interview, so the four of us walked to starbucks. when we got there, the lazy-eyed texan came around the corner. he also knows cope and webster from ut. so the five of us stood and talked, and soon the (h) gill came up as well. it was as if all parts of my life for the last 8 years had converged in a tiny space at starbucks. apparently, it really is the center of the universe.

the next day i saw bii jih bah's mom, who works for a department that interviewed cope. yet more connections...maybe its the rez that's the center of the universe.

desde amor a casarse

i've been reading methods articles all morning, which at first was making me a little rezed out, but at some point it struck me how similar fieldwork and relationships are. You start out a stranger, but attracted for some reason to this person or place. You may have a good amount of second hand information, but want to experience it and learn for yourself. slowly, you discover more and more about the "object" of affection or study, and are either turned off or further enamored. eventually, it is daily life. it is integrated. it is not me and you but we. you are part of your "field." and they have lifespans. sometimes the anthropologists leaves after a year. sometimes a lover leaves as well. and other times they stay. or return again and again. in any case, the mark love and fieldwork make on both "object" and "subject" are permanent. they change you.

well, enough sappiness for today. but i'll leave you with a picture of true love

anthropologos

well, aaa was like a who's who of nell's life since 1999. i'll relive some highlights.
*i finally saw harjant's full film. good stuff
*i doubly confirmed my loss of any sort of gaydar
*helen says she still tells people about my thesis
*bill irons has no f*ing clue who i am
*jj was worried i was mad at him, and as usual made me feel brilliant
*the crazy-eyed texan got a posh makeover
*the dumpling got me a free dinner
*the original nemesis is off to argentina soon
*bauer's about the same as usual.

but really what i learned is anthro is a small world and everyone knows everyone else. perhaps i should launch into an athro web. i'll try to stay out of the center of this one.

mujeres de futbol

this is how you know you're in too deep.

i have been trying vehemently but unsuccessfully to get a hold of a book through the consortium and inter library loan for about a week.

tonight i realized i have three chapters by the author in various edited volumes on my bookshelf.

which is, of course, relieving. but a little disconcerting.

(there will be a blog about aaa soon, i promise)

cambios

so, today at school, i was sitting in the cubes, and as usual the homepage comes up as blackle. i did some reading about it, and it seems that it really does reduce kilawatt hours expended. so today i came home and changed my homepage from google to blackle too.

and then i decided to go further. i changed my desktop to a dark picture. i changed the background of my blog and other various websites from light to black. i changed the background of my windows from light to dark. my life is dark now, existing primarily in basements and all.

and its silly and small, but every little bit helps i suppose. or at least it can't hurt.

italia

well, they say knowing spanish helps with italian. and there are a lot of cognates, but it didn't help me much. fortunately, i had my (taller) little sister interpreter with me. the trip was good. very very good. aside from hangovers and allergies i have no complaints. wine was drunk, spaghetti was consumed, sights were seen, asses were made (of ourselves), and now i can hardly contain my anticipation for holidays, just so i can see lou again.

there are many stories to be told, but i will stick to my favorite for now: lou, her friends and i were at a gelateria one evening, drinking wine. we had also had wine with dinner. and lunch. this was probably the 7th or 8th bottle of the day. the five 20 year olds and myself finished the bottle and determined ourselves too drunk to order another, so we headed out the door. they headed off in another direction, and lou and i with our trusty map headed toward what we thought was home. we ended up near the river (the opposite direction), and were rather confused. lou decided she had contained herself long enough, and let it loose, as she seems to be doing more often these days. after the quick pit stop, we headed back the opposite direction, hoping to start over from our original gelateria. but we couldn't even find that. fortunately after roaming in circles for about 10 minutes we came across a taxi stand. we hopped in and after 3 minutes in the cab were at the front door. 5 euro got us home. of course by this point lou had the giggles (which were contageous) and we probably woke up everyone in the hall. it was a good night, but the hangover wasn't really worth it. i'm getting old. that never used to happen!

nava-who? miss navajo!

i finally watched "miss navajo" by billy luther, and it was even better than expected.

aside from making me crave some frybread (with a hole for spider woman of course), its quite wonderful. nice shots of shiprock, window rock, open desert. it makes me crave that dry heat (maybe only becaue my apartment is chilly). its such a beautiful place. "beauty that hurts" as the admiral would say.

the documentary followed a miss navajo contestant, who seemed to be from shiprock, based on shots outside their home. it was a nice overview of historical and current issues as framed through the pageant. the historical knowledge quiz only stumped me once, though i certainly wouldn't have been able to answer as thoroughly as the contestants (or in navajo!). it involved the treaty of 1868 (the long walk), changing woman, coyote, and the n.n. seal.

i also appreciated the nuanced way of addressing sheep butchering (though no visuals of "fat sheep 4 sale" signs). they mention its traumatic for some people. which i can attest to. but also seem to take pride in it as legitimizing the contest as more substantial than other beauty pageants. (i also want to note that the butchering was more offputting for me because it caught me off guard, rather than being "gross." though it did reconfirm my vegetarianism....but i digress). they also had to make fry bread, and exhibit a "traditional" talent.

it did an excellent job of addressing language loss. none of the contestants were fluent. most spoke some navajo, but were not able to answer questions completely in dine'. and a little of the history of this loss was touched on, including boarding schools, which i also found excellent for contextualization.

all in all, it was excellent, highly recommended, etc. but then again, i'm not quite an unbiased observer.

atletas embarazadas

my usual athletics consultant, k, sent me a link today about ncaa athletes that become pregnant.
and i, of course, have many thoughts.
first, i have to say that the glaring problem with the article is the complete absence of reproductive justice discussion. sure, i can imagine why, but there are a variety of topics approached in the article that require mention of rj for thorough discussion.

the very first paragraph begins, "The timing wasn't the greatest," bringing to mind my (mis) quoted statement from the chron, "I think that abortion rights are central to women being able to control their own lives." Followed by (surprisingly appropriately named) Junk's appraisal that my comment "implies that women are neither free nor equal citizens unless they can legally end a pregnancy." And her assessment is pretty right on.

I do believe that a woman who is unable to decide when, where, and how to get pregnant is neither free nor equal. The Daily Herald article illustrates both of these aspects. First, women who are not free to choose between abortion and a child are not free from several constraints. They are not free from biology. They are not free from economic consequences. They are not free from social consequences. They are not free to pursue a future of their choosing. But, by this argument really no one is "free," we all make choices within constraints not of our choosing (to loosely paraphrase Marx). And since what sort of "free" is not specified in Junk's article, I'll move on to the second point.

Women are not equal citizens if they are unable to choose. Now, since I've been reading a lot of Altusser, Ong, and other such citizenship theorists lately, I should mention that here I use the term "citizenship" to mean the full rights associated with being an official member of a group. I do not mean mere "belonging," nor do I mean simply the right to vote. Citizenship is hailed by the state and ensured through Ideological State Apparatuses. It includes the full protection of the state, the right to participation in the public sphere, and all benefits associated with membership. And it is not "merely cultural" (Judith Butler, 1997), but implies real material consequences. In the case of pregnant athletes these consequences are the scholarships they receive to attend school. When these scholarships are taken away, at best they are left with paying tuition. At worst, these women will be financially forced to quit school, and may also miss out on a promising professional athletic career (and I'm now resisting the urge to switch gears and launch into a critique of gender inequality in professional athletics).

Of course the consequences for women are only one half of the equality equation (haha). As the article mentions, many college athletes have children. While an undergrad myself, one of nu's star football players was the father of no less than 3 children. he went on to the nfl. Even one child for a female athlete, on the other hand, would not only preclude playing in what could be a pivotal season to be able to play professional sports. Perhaps I verge too closely to equating pregnancy with injury, which in some ways may be appropriate but from a legal standpoint gets, well, "sticky."

It is also important to note that members of a Clemson team did terminate pregnancy out of fear of losing scholarships. Now at risk of sounding like I'm anti-choice (bear with me here), it is an atrocity that a person would be compelled to terminate a pregnancy for such reasons. Of course, it happens all the time, and there are plenty of women who simply cannot afford a(nother) child and terminate pregnancies. Which points to the vast array of underlying problems, with healthcare systems, welfare states, maternity/paternity leaves, day care systems, and plenty of other institutions. All this is simply to say, that perhaps de Beauvoir was too quick to assert that "biology is not destiny." Unfortunately the current state of reproductive justice and the aforementioned institutions do leave women unequally equipped to claim the rights associated with citizenship.

Alright, now...moving on. In large part I agree with the article, but I find it too apologetic. Aside from her complete sidestep of rj issues, Babcock McGraw says she can "see both sides." Female athletes engaging in unprotected sex are being irresponsible, and this behavior is equated with drinking and driving or snowboarding. Sure, unprotected sex is never a good idea, but if female athletes are held responsible for such acts to an extent that they are dropped from rosters (and funding), to maintain equality, male athletes who father children should be held to the same standard. If we regard athletes as having a primary commitment to their institution (as the author implies), a child constitutes a breach of that contract whether the fetus is physically growing in the athletes womb or simply takes half of its dna from the athlete. Any distinction between to the two privileges male-boded athletes (as if they're not privileged enough). If athletes are dropped from rosters for "irresponsibility" this should include all bodily injury or change, drugs or drinking, or anything else that may get the athlete into legal trouble (even a misdemeanor arrest). Isn't this why we have Title IX?

the espnU website has a nice write up of outside the lines that includes a little video.

Ok, so now i'm just rambling on and i've spent too much time writing this instead of my paper on german anthropology. ah, procrastination...

una hag de nuevo

well, perhaps it was inevitable, but all of my new school friends, other than the jag, are gay men. the last 5 people i entered into my phone were gay men.

but it feels like home. i haven't really been in that little world since my days of hanging at roscoe's and charlie's (and unfortunately, spin). sure, i saw dwt a few times in queens, plus leo and upside in the dale. but really, since 2003 i've been very absent from the gay bar scene. for better or worse.

so i have the option of going to an 18 & over gay club tomorrow night after class. i'll probably pass. but i am attending a gay dinner party friday night. i think i'm destined to never have female friends again...

cumpleanos

the weekend was a success overall. though we did miss out on wwe cyber sunday.

instead we checked out the crab shack, and really i can't imagine anything more perfect for a birthday. we drank vodka out of pint glasses, ate greasy food (poppers, grilled cheese & curly fries for me), and met what jr would call "a couple of characters."

we also saw handjob earlier in the day after he ran a marathon. we met him at a bar, and not surprisingly he was a little bit tuned. he spilled some beer on k, but all was in good fun. the final key moment of the birthday sunday would have to be watching the cmt show, dallas coyboy cheerleader auditions, or whatever the official name is. really, that's what kept us from wwe. but how often is it that three people of such divergent interests find a show they all want to watch in marathon form on cmt. it couldn't be helped!

el mismo

the more things change, the more they stay the same.

i couldn't help but notice the similarity of my living room to the one i had 3 years ago. and i couldn't help but make an ode to what is probably my greatest photographic work (at least in an egotistical sense).

the lighting's not as good, and it took me quite a few tries to get the expression similar to the original. which perhaps is not shocking, but realize that the original was taken on a film camera. i took 2 pictures. no retakes. no testing the lighting to see how it shows up. and i still think they're better. but maybe its the enigma that makes me like them more. maybe its the context, the positionality. the knowledge of what happened before, and especially after those pictures were taken.

the unfortunate part of it all is that i don't even have a reason to get dressed up for halloween this year.

anthropolog@s alemanes

tonight in class we discussed german anthropology. yes, basically the entire history of german anthropology, at least up to post-wwii era. and most of what we realized was that it wasn't so different from u.s., british, or french anthropology (and probably lesser studied disciplines as well). there was tension between post-enlightenment universalism and relativistic romanticism. the diffusionist school and the functionalists competed. physical and socio-cultural began to merge (as in the us). so how were the anthros so easily swayed to the nazi cause.

many people argued it had a lot to do with the escapism necessary after wwi, or something along those lines. and i didn't fully formulate this in class, but the more i think about it, i think it was only a matter of the completeness of control.

around the same time, the us was coercively sterrilizing puerto rican women. clearly a product of eugenics. and no, to my (admittedly very limited knowledge) there were no anthropologists clamouring to get in on the action. but my guess someone had been reading some anthropology work on p.r. now, by no means am i equating the two. certainly there are huge differences and i don't mean to minimize the nazi's practices with a comparison to sterilization. but the point is, lets not pretend we are so innocent with our boasian tradition. i'm sure this is just one example among many that could be used. and that's completely leaving aside vietnam era anthropology of the vietcong. and now we've got this human terrain mapping. again, i'm not in any way saying it is the same magnitude. but it is something to ponder...

piensos extranos

1. i acquired a tiny thing of grey pupon mustard recently, and damn its good. i mean, yes, i like mustard a lot. but the g.p. beats the hell out of safeway/shoprite brand dijon mustard. mmmmm...

2. i ran two miles on tuesday with the kronner. it was pretty pathetic at the end. there was a very slow but steady upwards hill that just killed me. but hey, at least i'm trying. we did get to discuss his thoughts on moving to chicago though.

3. my internet went down yesterday, and was fixed today. they guy who fixed it was from chicago, and we discussed the beloved windy city. then i got an email from smoyer who just moved to chicago. i'm now putting together something to send, but i have to find a few more things. its all making me miss chi town. and i won't ever fly through there for the holidays. i'll have to make a trip sometime soon.

4. it was a crappy rainy day, and my allergies were bad, but i decided i had to get out and go to the grocery story before consuelo z arrives. and when i left the apt, i had something very exciting from method in the mail. just a bag, no cleaning goodies, but still. it lightened my day.

5. as did this
i was especially heartened because a few months ago i made an ill-advised attempt to argue in class that the butter cow had something to do with citizenship. at the time i basically conceded that it really was only about belonging. but this proves the point. speaking of which, i should call duff.

juanito

i had a weird dream this afternoon (when i was supposed to be reading).
i was talking to the leap in an office, which seemed to be more like a storage closet under a set of stairs. then johnny c., of hey hi '98 fame, asked me if i wanted to get lunch. he just sort of barged in to the office. and was wearing an argyle sweater. but his hair was still all spikey. i told him i couldn't, and then the leap asked if he was my high school boyfriend. i said no, and explained the politics of our non existant relationship. basically, that i was (am) a nerd.

that's about all there was to it, but its just so weird. what the hell is he doing in my dreams? what could have brought this on? and really, if i'm going to dream about being asked out to lunch by some hey hi alumn, couldn't it at least be a cute one like ar or mn or hb?

speaking of which...the fox sent me a text message this weekend. the stars must be aligned for some sort of heyworthian cosmic connection or something. weird.

bars and bad press

5 years ago, on 27 october 2002, a whipped up some yummy thai curry and rice in davey's rice maker, and had a lovely sit down dinner with my roommates. then we moved the table into the kitchen. then davey & i went to home depot.


we bought some long boards, some marble looking contact paper. some battery operated lights, some shelving. some 2x4s. we loaded it into the trunk of my rez-mobile, somehow, and drove back to hamlin street. we unloaded, took everything up the 3 flights of stairs, and pulled out my tool box (he certainly didn't have one). we nailed and leveled and covered and hung my painting behind it and stood back to admire our new bar.


this bar was the home to beloved space prom. it was home to the rainbow alliance party that ended in an ambulance call. it was home to a vagina monologues after party, a few improvisational parties, the party i threw when i finished my thesis.


so, here i am getting all nostalgic about a piece of wood perched against the wall with the vag mon. stools surrounding it. but the point is that bar was a central point to my senior year of college. as seemingly background as it was, without it things would have been different. all because of home depot.



(now here's where i get to the feminist ranting part of the blog)


but of course home depot has to go and decide that its stores aren't woman friendly enough. and i'm pissed. hell i spent a good number of lunch breaks when i worked at the arch. firm wandering around the h.d. on 23rd street. i was at home depot about 5 times this summer. i love the place. rather, i loved.


no more. home depot is dead to me. don't insult me! treat me like a human being with a brain and the ability to construct simple structures. come on! i guess i'll have to start going to lowes.

from ironing to leaping

the leap is quickly becomming my new hero. aside from the moodiness, he's way cool. and his drink of choice is vodka. what more could a girl want in a prof. maybe less moodiness.

this all came about in a very awkward meeting i attended this evening. there was supposed to be a wrap up/reflexivity/pre-planning meeting for pub anth. i hung around after class, and showed up in the appropriate place at the appropriate time. so did the vine and the leap. that is all. so here i am with the dept chair and the conference organizer, discussing what went well and not so well. what the hell was i doing there? sure, i helped. i attended. but i didn't attend a single planning meeting. i basically didn't do anything until the night before when i showed up to meet people at the bar. i guess i did put up with mr. book deal.

well, i tried to contribute in the meeting, and ended up with 2 boxes of cookies to take home. but all in all, i'd rather avoid that sort of thing in the future. which is unfortunate, because i like being involved in that sort of thing.

in other news, i officially have 8.25 pages for my 8-10 page paper. i need to do some more editing tomorrow during the day, but i'm feeling fair about it. i think its at least a b. now that i've put that in writing, of course, it will not be true. but i'll complain about that at a later date, when i know for sure. man, i can't wait until 24 hours from now!

lengua, sexualidad, y cuidadania

on my way to class tonight, i caught part of an npr story on a transgender woman who claimed her gender reassignment surgery as a tax deduction and the irs is denying the deduction.

what really got to me was the comparison with anorexia that was drawn by an "expert." "we need to fix the mind" i believe is the quote.

sigh.

speaking of sexuality and citizenship, i spoke to my wife tonight. although i think she's my ex wife. or maybe we're polygamous. well "we" meaning "she" because i certainly don't have a new wife.

we talked about nostalgia in class too. in freudian/lacanian terms. perhaps it is the past tense of desire. but i have a more complex relationship with the idea i believe. i've been thinking that i'm always concerned with playing things out. what would have happened. i need to learn to be ok with not knowing. i wouldn't say that i ever really regret. but i long to know. and why? if i'm happy now, why is it important what might have happened. what's important is what did happen. right? does this even make sense? probably not. but that is my new attempt at zen. not worrying about the might/could/should/would. "be here now" i guess.

i say this, of course, as i sit at my desk, staring at a picture of my bilagaanas & howard. & manu. how do you say indian (of the south asian sort) in dine'?

soy una gasfitera

last thanksgiving, i found myself at pit row with papa H. this is not a surprising occurance, nor is the fact that i saw a number of old classmates there. one, who happened to be my homecoming date sophormore year (we'll see if anyone reads this that's known me that long), told me he had just passed his plumber's licensing exam. it depressed me a little, realizing that here i was employee of the illustrious New York Review of Books, making probably half of what he was making. now c.m. was always a smart kid, and i hope the best for him. but still, one likes to think that they go off to the big city, get a swell (sounding) job, and then they get to come back and brag to their old classmates about what fun they're having. or something like that. but instead, i was just depressed.


of course, many things have changed since then, and i'm a much more fulfilled person these days, but i was reminded of it today, when i decided to get down on the floor and figure out what the hell was wrong with my kitchen sink. and i fixed it! it took some dismantling of pipes, draining in buckets, a very feces-like smell, plastic gloves (which I conveniently found under the sink), and some draino, but right now, my sink is draining properly, and the gray water chilling in the bottom of the dishwasher is gone! the kitchen still smells a little funny, but hopefully that will dissipate.


last night, i couldn't sleep and ended up moving a bunch of furniture around. so, in celebration of my now mostly-functional kitchen, here's a picture of the new set up. woohoo!

anthropologia y guerra

if you're further interested, the diane rehm show had an interesting discussion of military anthropologists yesterday.

soy una anthropologa

today was a very anthropological day

it started with taking notes on boas and malinowski. later, in class, i was asked which i preferred. i hadn't really considered the question before, but i had to reply malinowski. yes, little ol' boasian department trained me. i'd still consider myself pretty adamantly 3 field (and when my archaeologist friends are particularly engaging, perhaps even 4 field), and i'm in no way durkheimian. but the more i think about it, the more i'm sure. yes, i'd rather read argonauts than race, language, culture. but that's not the extent. perhaps its a product of my embeddedness in exoticism, but there's a certain charisma to malinowski. he's somewhat of an enigma in a way i would argue boas is not. perhaps that's just a product of the diary, but i also like his longterm fieldwork. his interrelatedness. i like the way he defines (or at least uses the term) material conditions. plus he's polish. and who doesn't like a good pole?



i wrote for 4 hours today and only came up with 2 1/2 pages. but i think they're solid. i mean, as solid as they could be considering the topic. which, by the way, is applying durkheimian and weberian theory to this.

i also turned in an application for research funding, and wrote a call for papers today. after class tonight, i ended up talking to the jag and tudy about anthropologists in the military. we were mostly just noting things that we had already discussed yesterday at the roundtable, but i had one of those moments where i realized i had found what i was looking for.

i guess, one of my complaints about the dale was that i was looking for more community. i wanted to sit in the lounge and discuss anthropological notions. i wanted involvement and discourse, not just classes. and certainly i found that with certain people, like my wife and prof. ponger (who i may be co-authoring a paper with, our 300th of course) at times, but it wasn't an overarching theme in my life there. but i already feel in the midst of it here. so, tonight, i'm feeling content.

plus, its officially scarf weather now!

soy sola

i don't work well with others. perhaps this comes as no surprise to a whole host of people. my parents, former teachers, friends, co-workers, classmates. but it just sort of dawned on me today. sure, i've always been more content to play by myself. i like living by myself. i'm quiet, introverted, and perhaps selfish.

but its just now dawning on me that i didn't like working with another person on the discussion today. i'm quite pleased that my ethnography presentation is alone. biij & i didn't get along when we worked together.

i tend to do ok with team sports. and drinking (though i do that alone too) with others. but working on projects is an entirely other situation. who knew? probably a lot of people.....

solo 20 dias...

i did a disappointing amount of work today, but i did get some RA research done, so that was productive.
the kitchen sink is in worse shape. still draining into the dishwasher, which is now draining all over the floor. i went to safeway to get draino (or whatever you use these days), and totally forgot it. i did get some granola bars on sale though. really not much exciting has happened lately. PAD was good, because at least i ate a few meals away from my home and imbibed some alcohol. i probably won't do that again until my birthday.

the phone number acquiring saga continues....if i didn't mention it before, i'm refusing to send out a mass email to replace all those missing numbers, so i'm waiting until people call me. or at least until i really need to call them. its an interesting experiment. bii jih bah called me this evening, so i've got one more in the phone. i think i still have less than 10 though.

i told myself i was going to paint today, and it didn't happen. maybe tomorrow. but probably not. probably not until this essay is done in a week and a half. sigh. its been too long. but at least its given me time to contemplate the project. i think its going to be fairly good, though derivative. oh, nothing will ever replace the couch picture. maybe when i finish this one, i'll do a dinosaur battle painting as a christmas gift (you know who you are--when i eventually give it to you, act surprised)

cocinar

top chef may be over, but the next iron chef has just begun. and it has one thing top chef doesn't have.

yes, my original celebrity crush, alton brown. at nine minutes into the show i could care less about the contestants, but ab is looking dapper in his dark suit and white shirt. i just hope at some point he dons a white chef's coat. i don't think that's his style. i suppose because he's not really a "chef," but a food scientist. alas, its probably all for the best. i'm not sure i'd be able to handle it.

in other events, it was a more interesting weekend than most. we had the public anthropology day yesterday, and kicked it off friday night at a U street restaurant/bar. i met a student who's starting in the program next year (she deferred), who i think i like, but can't quite tell. there were also a few prospective students there. all nice. no one spectacular. there was a guy from UT who knows the lazy eyed texan and who has a post-doc at UMD. jen got his numero de telephono, so perhaps we'll see him again. also there was this dude who spoke at the conference, who clearly had a bit of a superiority complex. he's negotiating a book deal...blah blah blah...the daily show refuses to have me on...blah, blah, blah....i got fired, but before i left the building, i had 3 new job offers...blah blah blah. then he gave me his card and said i should call him.

um, no.

the conference itself went well. i was there from 8 am to after 5, and then we all went for mexican food, where for once, i was perfectly positioned at the table. near c howe, next to suzie T, kronner on the other side, and right across from the gill. interesting conversations ensued. and mr. bookdeal was all the way at the other end of the table.

i got home around 9pm, and went directly to bed. and it felt sooo good.

today, i woke up early and wrote a proposal for a grant for the summer. i'm not feeling particularly confident about it, but its good practice if anything. and i was forced to decide on bolivia over peru, and do a little research on it. perhaps a foolish choice, considering my knowledge of peru, but we shall see how it turns out.

but while taking a break today i noticed true life, i'm a coney island side show performer was on. i didn't watch it, but it made me think those dudes that pick up heavy things with chain links pierced through their skin would be an interesting study. or something like that. who knows....

or maybe not.

once a year and worth the wait

well, as i mentioned before, it was tough to miss the fair this year. "the fair" being the Iowa State Fair (is there any other? --and to anwer you MN & TX supporters, I'd say "no"). Turns out, for the last 4 years ISF has been doing an erotic corn dog eating contest. And we've totally missed it. i guess we were too busy hanging out at the racing corner tap or gettin' loud with our schlitz ice while driving the campground in our sweet rig harassing the other film crew.




but its been making me crave those sweet, life affirming vegetarian corn dogs at the veggie table.

and marc hansen's got my back. now, i'm not one to ignore the genderist implications here. yes, i find it a bit chauvenistic. but listen, corn dogs are erotic no matter who's eating them. i've watched big bro K devour one, and its not a pleasant sight. but perhaps i'm reproducing the male gaze. though i don't really want to watch the fairest of 15 year old, tight jean wearing, horse showing, bleached haired iowa chicks eat one either.

in the end, its probably best that the contest will be shut down. but for the wrong reasons. i'm sure it will ended because the fair represents "family fun" (now here's a sexuality and citizenship project!) and somehow families and overt sexuality are not compatible (sort of the opposite of the french case-see Provencher, forthcoming). When really I see the problem as one of equality.Men are (self-)excluded. Vegetarians as of now are excluded. Those that adhere to pork dietary restrictions, and perhaps kosher-keepers are excluded. And really, I think by featuring people of all sexualities and genders (and I'm pretty sure a good representation can already be found strolling through the Varied Industries building), we destigmatize sexuality, and all have some good clean fair fun.

besides, we all know what the first rule of the fair is, and the fair board is threatening to break it.

t’áá hwó’ ají téego

the rez has stepped up its exercise program it seems. k has informed me that they are hosting a marathon (which i'm half tempted to try to train for--maybe next year), and now they've got rez robics videos. what i wouldn't give to get my hands on one of those.

now if they can just get the koolade out of city market and make taco bell "run for the border," as howard would say.

(i enjoy the leisure life at spider rock campground)

uranium en el Peru

Ah, now it makes sense
that strange sickness associated with the "meteorite" crash in Peru is now explained. It had nothing to do with zombies or aliens (as some were hoping). Nope, just good ol' US military power.

Well, that's a relief!

tiendas, té, y telefonos

last night, my phone died. i was talking to my mom and it shut off. no warning beeps. nothing. i figured the batter was dead, so i plugged it in, but it wouldn't charge. the screen wouldn't light up (but the keys would!) after about 45 minutest i gave up.

off to verizon tomorrow, i thought. and this morning i headed to chevy chase to my nearest verizon store. there i got a lovely new motorola phone, which sort of looks like a razor, only black and thicker. well, really its thinner, but deeper, if that makes sense. anyway, it seems to work just fine (and infinitely better than the dead one). but of course since no one can get the old phone to turn on, i've lots all my numbers. so if you are sad i haven't called you back or something, its probably because your number has now been lost to the evil hand of technology. best way to exact revenge is to use technology to give me your number again. but enough of that...on with the story!

my plan was to go to verizon, then to my local (not-so-social) safeway for some grocery items. but as i left verizon, i noticed trader joe's across the street. for years i have heard of the wonders of trader joe's. i've never stepped foot inside one though. until today. and i, quite honestly, was a little disappointed. maybe i'm just cheap, but i expected better deals. the only cheapness i was amazed at was the veggie burgers. $2.69 is damn good. but the selection was lousey. in the end i decided on fake chicken nuggets and mcribbs. roll your eyes, yes, but back when i was a meat eater nothing excited me more than the McLean McDonalds advertising that the "McRibb is Back!" I was even known to eat them on the way to track meets. Hm. No wonder I could never keep up with Heidi Knapp. Anyway, again, back to the story. Most disappointingly, there was no cheap wine! Isn't that the whole point of Trader Joe's? In the end I got a lovely selection of things that Safeway does not carry. Maté, quinoa, tempeh, organic veggie soups, organic rasins, white cheddar mac & cheese, etc. But I don't think I'll be going back. It seemed just like whole foods, only with about 10% of the selection. I'll stick to safeway for now, perhaps with periodic wholefoods runs for those crazy grains i like so much.

goodies from joe's

Trader Joe's on the other hand did add quite a bit to my internal fieldnotes contributing to an ethnography of grocery stores. I guess i first thought of food stores as anthropological sites, back in the rez days. i was always so intrigued by city market. the giant bags of blue corn flour, and raw wool, stacked next to rows and rows of koolaid. the new york post cards. my beloved salad bar. it was an amazing place. contrasting your average rural supermarket with a Dominick's in Chicago, Shoprite in New York, or Safeway in DC is pretty fascinating. Not to mention throwing in a C town town. In the end Trader Joe's ranks somewhere between whole foods and A&P, but it definitely has a granola appeal the others don't. Sure wholefoods seems to be aimed at the same crowd, but I'd argue they're catering more toward the post-granola yuppie bunch that now votes with their checkbooks rather than making their voices heard in the streets. But that's just an initial impression.

I thought of Andy today too, and the mental schema of grocery stores that we expect. I clearly had problems today. I missed the baskets as I walked in, and took one from a stack behind a checkout. the checker gave me a strange look. not stern, a little confused, but more of a "why the hell are you doing that?" sort of thing. I wandered around, back to front basically (produce last), and couldn't find what i was looking for. I basically went through the store 3 times before i was satisfied with my choices. i got up to the counter (with the same checker), and placed my basket to be rung up. i put my small tote-bag-ish purse on the counter to take out my wallet, and he just left all the food on the counter. did he think i was going to fit it all in that bag? i do like the idea they assume you'll bring your own bag. not even wholefoods does that (at least around here). i could see plastic bags hanging behind him. we had a bit of a stand off. i eventually put a few things in my tote bag, before he reached around the side and pulled out a paper bag. ah! there they are. so now i know. if only there were going to be a "next time."

fin de semana

friday was a really great day. i went with jag and blondie to a congressional briefing on slums. very interesting. apparently brazil has got it figured out (well, more than the rest of the world, at least). no real policy solutions though.

then i noticed hollywood video was closing and bought 4 dvds.

then i read some durkheim.

then i got my stipend check.

then a bunch of us went to heritage india. good times. the first picture of me in dc was taken.

today was less exciting, with the bank telling me my check wouldn't be avaliable for 5 business days, and plenty more durkheiming. but i'm done now! at least until i have to write about him. but that's a good 5 days away. i also cleaned my kitchen today and did some cabinet rearranging. it was much needed. oh, how i love method.

to end the day, i watched volver, finally, and it was pretty wonderful. i want to watch it with my mom & lou. speaking of which, its mamaH's birthday today. which means mine is less than a month away. i think i'm going to buy myself a pair of nice jeans for the occasion. its probably time to start a search. away we go....

el peru y escuela

apparently, crazy things have been happening in el Peru lately. apparently a meteor is causing all sorts of illness.

now, on to the good stuff. its officially been a month of school, and i thought i'd do some follow up impressions. the jag, otto & perhaps delf are becoming friends. though things started slowly, i think the department is solidifying a bit. i even feel comfortable with aud, e.e., the gill, and d-vra. i never see el peruano, but when i do (like yesterday) we have nice friendly, short conversations. i even think i might like the frat boy more than i thought.
aside from that, i'm vp of the gsc, working on a spring conference, and generally feeling less stupid and more smart. though i often have moments....

all in all things are good, and there's an "executive meeting" planned for tomorrow night.

amig@s de classe

the school week started out rather awfully. the leap's class was rather brutal. i went in understanding. i left in a state of confusion. but in the end i think it will be fine. once i figure out what i'm doing this project on. ugh. and as murph pointed out, i think the class discussion dynamic has a lot to do with it. we are too abrupt. too abrasive, and too quick to change subjects. no time to contemplate connections or larger aspects. and of course when i say "we," i really mean "they."

c howe class was fine. nothing much to report as i told gill after he asked me what he missed. and i got the camera finally. the battery chargers were no where to be found, but gill brought me the one from his camera today, so crisis averted. and i finished my copyediting. it felt like being back at nyrb. except no borden. and a much crappier computer (mine).

class tonight was pretty enjoyable. d'kone seemed to think we were all pretty anti-weberian, but i'm a fan of ol' darth. but then again, i'm in a class of a bunch of people who do gentrification, esl, education, and tourism stuff. i guess i should expect a marxian leaning. i tried to defend his interpretive efforts as best i could.

and tomorrow i go to the field. well not the real field. but a field no less. jc, 7s, blondies. all excellent field locations. i know how to pick them i guess. i'm still not packed though. better get on top of that.

comidas

so, i've been trying to stick to this 8 foods to eat every day thing. well, really only 7. i haven't even attempted walnuts. i haven't done them all, every day, but carrots, tomatoes, blueberries, spinach, yogurt, black beans, and oats (oatmeal) have made up a large part of my diet.

i've always been a big fan of oatmeal
especially the peaches & creme variety

vanilla yogurt & blueberries...
i never really liked those little blue guys (its the texture)
but i guess they're alright

black bean burrito with tomato salsa, spinach & cheddar cheese (plus lemonade)
quite possibly the greatest meal ever

so, i'm not sure how long this will last. probably until i go to the grocery store next (which won't be until the end of the week when i finally get PAID!). but its food i like and apparently its good for me (not that it comes as any shock). i'm just not sure how many ways i can eat black beans and salsa before getting tired of them. i might try to eat each thing 3 or 4 times a week. it seems more do-able. with room for other things in there too. too bad potatoes aren't on the list. i could eat them every meal, every day, and every time a different way. that should be a poem.

lentes y bigotes

rumor has it that the mets were handing out 20,000 fake mustaches to their fans tonight at shea. apparently keith hernandez was named as some winner of top twenty mustaches or something. google is disappointing in terms of providing some confirmation, but what i would have given to be there! like my own personal glasses convention.



alas, it wasn't meant to be. instead i read some darth weber, watched 3 eppisodes of what not to wear, and finished the evening off with alton and a glass of smoking loon pinot noir.

and now, as usual, i can't sleep. i'm contemplating doing some more copy editing for c howe, but i'm much more interested in reading blogs apparently. and i have to get up early tomorrow.

historia

its funny how history creeps up on you. such strange ways.


i was looking at old marky marx notes from the dale, and noticed the way i drew arrows was different back then. later in the notes from that semester i had begun drawing them they way i do now, and suddenly i remembered, zig draws them this way. he always sat next to me in johnny mac's class, and convinced me that his way was superior. as i think back, i'm not totally convinced now. aesthetically, i like the old way better.


but i think i'm stuck. its natural now. like a maussian technique of the body. those arrows, that time of my life, that history will be a part of me forever. and in a way that makes me really happy. even if i never speak to zig again, or any of the anthropology nouveauers again (which is unlikely, thankfully), i hope that someday, one of them will look at something random and realize what a role i played in the changing of that one small thing.

oy, german ideology is getting to me.

puedes llamarme cheney

well, i'm now officially the vp of the department student council. which means i also get to be on the cas grad student council, oh boy! not the most exciting of things, but it does feel good to have some sort of say about the environment i'm in.
and i like the other people i'm working with, at least in the dept. we've got e.e. as president, the jag, otto, tudy (that's a contraction for ted-judy), and a few other people who seem nice. the "meeting" we had to "elect" each other was actually really full of laughter, and enjoyable.

i watched jarhead last night. i don't think i'm going to use it for my paper, but it was fairly entertaining, and i took notes, so if i want to use it later, i guess i can.

i have a lot of thoughts on straightness (versus straightness), and the queering of heterosexuality, and stuff, but i'm not in the mood to write it all out. perhaps later. perhaps

no los tenian hambre

well, the bears lost their first game. rather depressing considering the 7-0 start they had last year. fortunately, the mildcats won yesterday, so the weekend wasn't a total waste in terms of football.

its times like this i need a little pick me up


ah, the glory days...

be a woman. be a fan.

the doorbell rings, and woman 1 opens the door, sporting a trendy giants tank top. woman 2 enters, wearing a similar (but distinct) shirt, and they engage in a "secret handshake" style greeting. woman 3 enters wearing a giants track jacket, and a similar greeting ensues. woman 4 enters, wearing a similar trendy tank top, only in green with the jets logo prominently displayed across her chest. she's met with "hello," and a cold stare.

it was clearly marketed exactly to me.

the commercial ends with the postscript: "be a woman. be a fan."

so, of course i immediately went to http://www.reebok.com/ to check out the collection. i was pleased to see that in addition to the skimpy tank tops, there were jerseys, yoga pants, jackets, hoodies, even sandals (though they only came in pink and gray). so, i'm left pondering, what exactly does this mean?

clearly it parallels (or parodies) male interaction. but i'm a little put off by it. certainly the recognition that women do watch nfl, and are a key demographic/money-holding consumers, is overdue. but the portrayal on the commercial was offputting. and in theory, i do like the slogan. yes, one can be a woman (not chick, not girl, not lady, but strong confident, but at times feminine, if that suits you) and enjoy watching football. i'm all for that. but the visuals of the commercial indicate something far different. its ok to watch football as long as you're still cute, still feminine, sexualized, and maintaining what are considered female relationships. while on one hand i would be equally as critical if woman 1 had accepted the jets fan similarly to women 2 and 3, it also seems to reinfoce the cultural notion that women, are petty, catty, and don't get along (as exemplified in oh, so many seasons of the apprentice and many other reality shows as of late).

so, in short, i'm glad reebok finally wisened up and started marketing to women, even if i don't agree with the way they're continuing to relegate women's fandom to a purely "female" realm (and objectify/sexualize in the meantime). but don't fret. you won't catch me wearing this next sunday.

listas

i talked to mama H last night, and she was telling me about an article she read that listed 8 things to eat every day. it seems like a decent list and the only thing i really don't like on it is walnuts. i actually went grocery shopping yesterday (before said conversation), so i'm all stocked up, but next time i go food shopping, i'm totally abiding by this list. we'll see how it works out from there, but it seems worthy of a trial.

i also watched tim gunn's guide to style last night (after 2 episodes of the shockingly similar what not to wear, clearly exposing is derrivitave form), and enjoyed that tim made it simple with a list of 10 things every woman should own.

my closet

surprisingly, i actually own most of them, in one form or another. i'm sure if the gunn came to my closet (conveniently located in my living room), he would judge most or all of them inappropriate, ill fitting, ill constructed, or unflattering, but i'm proud to know that i at least have some sense of what one should be wearing. really, the only thing i don't own is a cashmere sweater (though i do own a few cheaper sorts), and perhaps a "sweatsuit alternative." though i'm not really sure what qualifies and what does not. i imagine my yoga pants and zippered fleece outfit may be an alternative to a sweatsuit, but not quite within the bounds of tim's constraints.

chicas

well, i think i officially might have 2 friends now. the jag, otto & i got pizza and beer tonight. and i like them way more than i anticipated. not that i didn't think i'd like them, but they're supercool. i think we're all going to the antiwar march next weekend. they've both had rather interesting lives though, and i'm not so sure i have. we're all veggie too, which makes sharing food easy.

i also went to the preliminary session for the greenberg lectures today, which is supposed to teach me how to teach. funny thing is, i keep thinking about how this is basically what my dad does, and i never really thought of his work as connected to mine. i can even get a stipend for going to an education related conference, which would be pretty awesome. meet the 'ol dad at a conference and not mooch! unheard of! or if i actually have something to present at an anthro conference i could use it for that. though i don't really anticipate that happening any time soon...perhaps next year.

i've read ridiculously little this week, so i'm forcing myself to stay in all weekend and get some work done. k tu invited everyone to some club tomorrow night, and if jag and the mister go, i might, but likely i'll get myself a six pack, get platoon from the library, and give it a first go. whoo!

no bueno

i'm hormonal. i know. but it doesn't make it any better. i'm so annoyed/saddened/depressed by people today. no one has done anything mean. in fact i haven't really talked to anyone. i said hello to two people, and briefly talked to the leap. mostly just saying "yes, its marx, and no i don't really want to be reading it.

but somehow i'm scoffing at all of them.

i've got a conference call at 3, group meeting at 7, and class from 8-11. ugh. but then my week is over (& on to a weekend of reading. at least its not marx!)

never trust an archaeologist

i often forget this....and then suddenly, i'm snapped back into the realization that it should be the central tennant of my life.

but that's beside the point.

i was worried c howe was pissed over the copyright situation, but it seemed fine when i talked to her. she also approved of my "hanging out" as participant observation, so a ny/nj visit is planned for sometime soon. class, otherwise, was disappointing. all these wonderful monographs. malinowski, geertz, rosaldo (even mead i can enjoy). but the discussion fell flat. first i had to endure a 30 minute "history of anthropology" lesson, in which i drew pictures of armchairs and elephants. then on to the meat (lentils)! but the class is too full of International Service people and undergrads, and I feel selfconscious dominating the conversation. i kept wanting to say things about reflexive anthropology, the crisis of representation, ortner, chagnon & neel, practice theory, writing culture, but it just didn't work. we were even forced to endure a peer-created activity in which we watched a clip of a "friends" episode and reply to it as a "classic anthropologist" and a post-interpretive-paradigm (post-cadillac?) anthropologist. c. was in my group and i made a good point about reflexivity, but it wasn't repeated to the full group. fair enough.

now i'm home, working on this damn dv project. it should be done by friday, and i'll be relieved. i'm watching top chef and eating a little chic pea salad. and its miraculously good considering the contents of my fridge were chic peas, salad dressing, feta, and yogurt. an inspired combination, perhaps.

saltar

its been a leap-ful day. i woke up to an email which put me in a bad mood. i got some good reading done in the library this morning, then had a meeting with him, where my frustrations were relieved, and a topic (which i actually am quite comfortable with) was decided upon.

i went to best buy and then cvs looking for printer ink, but apparently hp74 is a hard one to find. i've been on the quest for a week. at this point its time to order online. i also talked to lou, who seems to be having an amazing time.

eventually i went to class, and was worried about class discussion, but somehow...we started talking about the butter cow. we were discussing citizenship as lived experience, and a guy in the class, who is a hip-hop dance teacher was talking about the subjectivity of dance and "the good citizen" vis a vis ballet as "high art" versus hip hop as "low art." Ah, my entry! i though. so i suggested that depending on place and class, sometimes what is perceived by outsiders as "low art" can by symbolic of citizenship. its sense of tradition, belonging and place make it a good candidate, at least for a liberal interpretation of citizenship, and i think, especially in iowa, the idea of the fair as a political place, in which presidential candidates are pretty much required to appear, makes the whole space somewhat politicized, and connected to citizenship. and, no, i wasn't ranting. and people kept bringing it up again. and they want to see pictures!

and then class ended with us all crowding around a little macbook to watch this:

tengo una sofá

it was a big weekend. i stayed in friday night, but went to the bar to see the nu game on saturday. it was wholly different than the blondie's experience, but fun in its own way. plus, i heard reports that blondie's was tame, sans becky, and therefore sans purple shots. the 'cats won handily, though they weren't looking in top form which gives me pause. the big deal of the afternoon of course was app st.'s mountaineers taking the wolverines for a ride. normally, i probably would have derrived a decent amount of glee from this outcome, but since its bij's backyard i had to smile. the game was topped off by some young michigan alum shouting at a former mountaineer who clearly hated sleeves (oh, there's nothing more american...) after dinner at mr. beirut's (as mentioned in a previous post) i finally finished das kapital. you'd think by that point i'd have no problem falling asleep, but as usual, insomnia hit, so i read a diary in the strict sense of the term for a while.


sunday was swell, with a visit from K. we went to ikea where i purchased a couch. i think its the most expensive thing i have ever debited (rather than credited), which is probably sort of sad, but was pretty exciting at the time. there was much debate over what color (slipcover) to get. the patterns were too crazy and distracting, the colors were either too bright or too beige. i wanted something light, since the apartment's sort of dark anyway, so eventually i went with teh white. i suppose time will tell how it will work out. but i'll definitely have to impose the no red foods rule on myself.


sunday evening we saw superbad, then eventually went to rock bottom for some food. of course the chicken was not taken off my pizza as requested, but i suppose a little meat juice is good for the soul every once in a while. unfortunately, the onion rings were cold. we came back and watched some tv before passing out on the couch (yup, it passed test #1).


today i did quite a bit of work for both cic & c howe, but of course no work for school. i should probably read some of argonauts of the western pacific before bed though...

un ver nuevo

so, you may have noticed the new look of the blog.
i guess the best explanation is, i was bored (meaning, i was procrastinating).

and i got rid of the whole lima time thing. don't worry. i'm still on lima time, mentally, but you know...

i suppose that's all i have to say for now. mas, muy pronto

comidas y mas

tonight was one of those great nights, that started off as any other, but ended with a sort of splendid simplicity.


i was again invited by bij and the lebanese to dinner. also invited were mr. beirut's roommate, and (mr. beirut-too), and the third, young beirutee woman. the troops assembled, and we set to work making delicious cilantro chicken (black bean for me) tacos, with homemade guac, pico de gallo, and fresh corn tortillas. when that project was well on its way, ms. beirut (soon to be dr. beirut) and i set upon the task of dessert. peach and blueberry cobbler. it was easy enough, but such an adult dinner, eventually consumed on beirut-too's "heirloom" table.



so the food was delicious, and made with "the luv" as fireboy would say. but the conversation with these people, half of whom i met tonight, was rather inspired. it ranged from mescaline cacti & hallucinogenic mushrooms, to the lebanese war and the insecurities (incompetencies?) of doctors. there were no outrageous moments, but the whole evening seemed to sparkle. and i realized, i guess this was what i was always searching for in new york. that semi-adult life where you are still too poor to reasonably eat out nightly, but wealthy enough (in one way or another) to enjoy a fine meal (and beverages) with friends who are truly interesting and enlightening.


not to say that new york was completely absent of this for me. but it came in spurts. pizza making here, a long walk there. absolutely, i have wonderful friends there who are truly interesting and enlightening, but somehow the circumstances rarely led to those magical nights. maybe its economics, or transportation, or lack of a suitable venue. who knows. i'm just glad i found it here, even if its fleeting.