egg foucault*

so i just finished reading discipline & punish for the second time. and strangely, i think i got more out of it the first time.

but in a class of 9 women and 1 man, the conversation evolved into gendered discipline. and i realized that in many instances women become responsible for the discipline of men. motherhood is perhaps the most prevalent example, but wives, girlfriends, teachers, etc. all play a role. not to say that this dynamic is always gendered, but women are often the parties looked to for maintenance of discipline.

and its something i've certainly internalized. with my former crew of boys, i often took on the role of sheparding home (especially after blondies), making sure no one got in fights. it was i who discouraged honking at women walking down the street (which of course has multiple layers of stuff going on). and i was always the one pushing for civilized things like brunches, and grocery shopping, and limiting the stroh consumed (which i would argue has a direct correlation with lack of discipline).

and so, in a way, i feel the need to apologize for letting all the subconscious gendered disciplining factors invade my personality. but on the other hand, apologizing only serves to reinforce the discipline i've already found myself in. sometimes, the uncomfortable places are the important ones. sometimes, its better to let people find their own way than to lead them. and so, i will not be disappointed in myself, despite my attention to discipline.

instead i will treat myself to a caribbean vacation.
next time i write, it will be with a tan (or sunburn)

*props to Val for the brilliant nickname...or was it Mags?