my life has too much synchronicity right now. i watch a movie, and somehow find myself in the same situation. i make up a stupid metaphor, and it comes true. maybe i just notice it because i'm sad, and don't have much of an outlet, except for the booze i'll consume at the party tonight.
i miss the simple days when things were clear. when people were close. when there was no moral value or deeper underlying meaning to what i wanted. when i didn't have to stop and ask if i was compromsing myself. when i didn't question who exactly i was. when i knew what settling was, and what it wasn't. i said in a phone call today, we all just really want that card that's guarenteed to be redeemable in 5 years for a really great relationship. but they don't exist.
and there's part of me that says, maybe i should change. maybe if i do this, or or give up that, or promise something entirely impossible things could work out. but the truth is, even if we were both committed to the goal, there are too many obstacles.
and i maintain, its better to eat the whole block of cheese than let it get moldy.
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