03 julio 2015

Anthropology: 2, Love: 0

I love my job. I get to learn new things, almost everyday. Things that no one knew yet. And then I get to tell other people by writing about them. That’s pretty awesome. And what makes it even more awesome is that the things I learn are about people: about their history, their current context, what they do, what they think, what they feel, and hopefully, why all of that is true. A lot of my job is just hanging out with people. Sometimes they are fascinating. Sometimes they are terribly boring. But there is always a story to tell. And I get to be the one to tell it. I get to travel to amazing places: the highest national capital in the world, the driest desert in the world. Sometimes the places are impoverished and it’s both hard to watch people suffer, and hard to live there myself. But in the end, it always feels worth it, especially if I can help relieve some of the suffering through my work.

But there’s something that’s not worth it. As of last night, I am single. My job requires movement. And that’s not good for relationships. This is the second time (a conservative estimate, a few other situations could count if I were assessing very liberally) anthropology has snatched a relationship away from me. The first time, I was so excited to spend a year doing dissertation fieldwork, but that kept me from making a commitment to a person who wanted and deserved someone who could promise they wouldn’t run away to South America for the long haul. In the end, that’s exactly what I did, and though I still deeply love and admire that person, we both know it wouldn’t have worked. The second, and more recent circumstance involved me falling madly in love with a person who lived where I researched. He was endlessly giving of assistance with research and with simply being an emotional support for someone living in a foreign country under difficult circumstances. But when I left the field site to move to the national capital for a year of analysis and writing, the distance was too much. With me planning to eventually return to the US, and him firmly rooted in his small city, we just didn’t have a workable future.

And I sit here, questioning, is it all worth it? I wouldn’t say that “settling down” is in my plans for the near future, but I would relish the opportunity to build a life with a person who I love and inspires me. I crave the kind of security that comes with knowing exactly how your head fits on their shoulder and exactly the joke that person is going to make when something goes wrong. And I wonder, is it impossible to have both? To have a partner and thrive as an anthropologist. I look at my fellow postdocs across the office, both of whom are bright young stars in their fields. Both of whom have partners. Partners who have followed them on their journey, and no doubt have at least a little sacrificed their own dreams for that of their partner. And both of my colleagues are men. Now of course, I know plenty of women who are anthropologists and have life long partnerships, but I wonder if being a woman makes it a bit harder, particularly in a context like Latin America.

In falling in love with this field, and in sacrificing so much to attempt to succeed as a scholar, have I all but given up my rights to love? I know that I am selfish. Is it possible that there is a person out there who could give up just enough to follow me on (or wait for me during) my anthropological adventures, yet is still invested enough in their own passion that they inspire me as well? The outlook is not bright, but I remain hopeful. Just as the academic job market is not bright, but I remain hopeful. Hopefully, at least one will eventually work out.


10 marzo 2015

06 enero 2015

la lista de musica 2014

Once again, it's time for my top 10 songs of 2014. This year, I don't think a single one is actually from 2014. But these were the soundtrack to my year.

Extra Special Mention


Usually the extra special mention is from a live event, but this year, my only live song is in spot #10 below. This was a song that became important to my research and is just downright funny!

10. 


I paid about 3x as much as I should have to see this band play in Brixton. I wondered if it was ill advised until they closed with this song, and we all sang along. For the past, present, and beyond...


9. 



Good for walking through London to or from work. Good for reminding me that there's a point to all this (hopefully!)

8. 


This has long been a favorite of mine. But it was especially important to remember the sentiment this year. And in that moment, when I stood in the middle of a Paris apartment and it started playing, everything felt destined. Shortly thereafter it all went to shit, but hey, at least for that moment everything felt right. 

7. 


I'm not sure I even listened to this song that much this year. But it was something I needed to remind myself. There were some pretty dark days in there. Singing this helped. 

6. 


Sometimes it was too loud to write, or even think with all the construction going on in my little shack in Hospicio. I'd put this on, turn it up as loud as possible, and my fingers would fly. It's probably at least 90% responsible for my timely completion of a book chapter (if not more). 

5. 


Perhaps a perfect soundtrack to the depression.

4.


And now for something a little lighter. Y'all know I love me some PITBULL!!!! And this is a pretty damn good ass-shakin' tune.

3. 


I'm not sure if I truly believe it, but the song brought me some comfort. And it's a good one for driving in the desert moonlight.

2. 



It's a good one for reminiscing about an earthquake. And it certainly got it's fair share of play afterwards. 

1.


This one is probably much closer to most of my romantic feelings this year. And seeing it live at the terremoto relief concert was magical in it's ability to make me smile. Oh, Gepe, if only you're weren't such a cultural imperialist asshat.
















01 enero 2015

el fin del año 2014

2014 was a hard year for many reasons. Money was always an issue (despite the fact that I am fully employed in what is basically my dream job). Love was always volatile. Living quarters were less than ideal in both countries I lived in. I was depressed for at least 1/3 of the year.  But this was also the year that I learned that sometimes, in order to maintain emotional stability, one must always remember of life, that "this is an adventure." 

And while it was a year I'd never want to re-live, it's certainly worth remembering. Here were the extremes of it all. 

Best Meal
Mont Bar, Barcelona. The whole family was there, the service was exquisite, the food was tasty, the wine kept flowing, and I even got to wear my fancy new dress.

dessert (and my dress is visible in the background)

Worst Meal
Ramen. Over and over. I had 10s of dollars to my name and no way of cooking other than an electric kettle. So ramen was basically the only thing to rely on. For months. 



Best Party
New Loki La Paz Opening Toga Party. Everyone was there. Everyone was in togas. What's not to love?

"we came, we saw, we bloodbombed"

Worst Party
Goodbye London. No one showed up to the bar. Even the friend that convinced me I must have the party. I cut my losses and went to a house party, which in the end was a good time. 


Best Reunion
Loki Reunion in London. Old friends in new places is the best thing ever. 

the people who changed my life forever

Worst Reunion
I stopped by the Iquique tattoo shop only to find my least favorite South American happened to be in town and was hanging out there. 

Fanciest High Class Moment
Shooting Party, at a place quite reminiscent of Downton Abbey. 


Roughest Low Class Moment
No kitchen. No bathroom. No internet. No power. No money. I kept reminding myself "this is not my life forever."

Best Holiday Celebration
Thanksgiving. We were in London. The oven didn't work. The bottle of bourbon had an anti-theft device still attached. There was no pumpkin or cranberry. But we made the most of it with no-bake cheesecake, butternut squash, trail mix, and the broiler. And it was glorious. 


Worst Holiday Celebration
St. Patrick's Day. It always seems to end up the worst. In 2012 I had my heart broken. In 2013 I gained a stalker. In 2014, I had a baby guiness in the morning in La Paz then flew back to Iquique where I picked up what had fallen in a minor earthquake, finished a paper, and remained totally sober.

Best 24 Hours
Día de La Paz, Masage at Hotel Europa, & Pamelita's Wedding






Worst 24 Hours
That day I thought we broke up.

Best Surprise Place
The Eagle and Child, Oxford England. We randomly wandered in, looking for a good place to write a paper and discovered we were in the very corner where JRR Tolkein and CS Lewis used to write. 


Worst Surprise Place
That apartment that necessitated all the ramen. Did I mention the bathroom shared with an older couple and no hot water?

Best Death Defying Feat
-17 F. Hunkered down with the folks in Heyworth and made an adventure of it. 

it got colder

Worst Death Defying Feat
8.2 Earthquake. I really did think I was going to die. The powerless, waterless, homeless, blocked road aftermath was arguably worse.

"more than 4 thousand people are now living on the street"

aftershocks

Best Fight
Getting what we wanted for our AAA session.

Worst Fight
Santander taking 4 months to finally deny me a bank account. 

Best Encounter with an Animal
"Adopting" La Vaquera.



Worst Encounter with an Animal
Vaquera wasn't in the back seat. It cost us $40.000,00CLP ($80US).

Hardest Goodbye
My last shift in the old Loki bar


Easiest Goodbye
Getting out of Iquique for 4 months

Best "Illegal" Activity
Absinthe in Prague.


Worst "Illegal" Activity
Watching our new friend, Sin (seriously his name) resolve some sort of mafia-style dispute after the Halloween party in Brixton.

Best Student Experience
My dissertation advisor tells a new colleague that I could "hold my own" and don't "need any help," causing said colleague to appologize.

Worst Student Experience
A well respected La Paz luchador asks me about the rumors my old trainer has apparently been spreading.

Best Academic Experience
George Marcus publicly compliments my AAA paper. Also, he has awesome glasses.



Worst Academic Experience
An older academic (who shall remain nameless) continues her history of putting me down by asking how far along I am in grad school.

And there they are. The noteworthy moments of 2014. May 2015 be better, more productive, more enjoyable, more economically stable, less stressful, and less dangerous. But even if it gets worse, I'll remember that "this is an adventure." And in the end, I got to live in 2 different countries (Chile & England), and visit six more (Bolivia, Peru, Spain, France, Czech Republic, and United States), seeing at least a dozen old friends in new places. That's a pretty good track record!