examen de pub

last night k & i met mo & spat in hoboken for quiz. it was our first time there and the set up was similar to hooters, only with legit questions and a crowd that was....more our speed. we didn't win (we had one shut out round), but we did win free shots. and this quiz has no entry fee, so who can complain? plus, it was good to get one last quiz in before departing, even if there was no turd place.

the moving process is coming along. i have a bunch of stuff in boxes. no one wants my furniture. not surprising considering its quality, but a little disappointing. maybe someone will take it when i put it out for big trash. my goal is to get the dresser out thursday, at least. maybe even the desk too.

i still have a long list of tasks, including getting euros, paying bills, and finding a storage place, but it seems managable. its all really starting to hit me. i'm LEAVING. i've always had a love/hate relationship with this place, but as much as i've tried to deny it, its been home. i do see people i know on the street. i feel like people have my back at the bar. its comfortable. but, i've never been one to be afraid of change so i'm trying to charge forward without looking back. its comforting knowing, however, that the jc will be just a short bus ride away.

nel pastel

as you may have noticed, i changed the address of the blog. in fact, you'd have to notice to get here.

i had been thinking that nellinperu wasn't really working anymore, since i am dragging my writing out far beyond my time in lima (though, for now, the title's staying lima time). this weekend, the perfect name hit me. so there it is. nel(l) pastel. no cake. no way, jose.

anyway, there's your explanation. sort of. more about the moving experience coming soon.

viernes

its been a long week of work. it started sunday when i worked noon to around 8pm, then worked from home from 9-9:30 (while watching the sopranos & eating pizza from pizzaland). the week has been long, but i was worried i'd have to miss softball. fortunately, it looks like i'll be able to get out of here in about an hour.

i also suffered my first allergy attack of the season. not the worst ever, but sleeping was next to impossible.

all this adds up to not accomplishing much in the moving department. here is what i have done:
essentially sorted all of my clothing into 4 piles (store in NJ--winter clothes, ship home--summer clothes, take to paris, get rid of). i also cleaned out my two top drawers which contained a wide array of cosmetics, lotions, first aid materials, hair stuff, and other random health and grooming products & equipment.

so, things are moving slowly but surely i suppose you could say. and the weekend should be better, i have a fun upperwestside saturday morning/afternoon planned, followed by a queens slumberparty (note the pun). i also might see nancy drew, despite scathing reviews

I'm looking forward to it all. Hopefully this will keep my mind off all the stress

siento mejor, en parte porque el chupacabra

things are a bit better as of last night.



i'm not sure what it was, but immediately things seemed better. clearer, easier. and we talked. it wasn't a perfect talk. i still have misgivings about it. mostly the sentance (we'll try it and hopefully in 6 years this can work out). not that i disagree necessarily, but i guess i expected a different response. an "of course this will all work out" sort of thing. but i respect what i got more, i suppose. its more realistic. more us.



i've always said the relationship has been defined by its practicality. there were never fireworks. never the honeymoon phase. and in a way i want that (which i said last night), but in other ways, i realize that those things wear off, and who knows what you're left with. at least i know exactly whats in the middle, because there's no frosting on top. hell, maybe i've even got a twinkie on my hands here.

another interesting, and fairly accurate point was brought up, but i am the one delaying things. which in a way is true. i mean, i've never wanted to rush into anything. but i think i'm often blind to my own influences on situations. everyone tells me the same thing. you have to say exactly what you want. and i always try. but i have a lot of masculine pride burried somewhere in my feminine frame. i don't want to be needy. i don't want to be demanding. i don't want to cry or in any way manipulate. but maybe those things are necessary at certain times. like balance, love is not a noun. it is a verb. an active verb. a constant struggle. a constant shift.



anyway, so who knows what will happen, but i've got 3 weeks to enjoy things as they are and i do believe i'll make the most of it. starting with a fun filled saturday of amnh, blondies, and maybe even a free concert in central park...

buscando para una casita y amor

well, the homehunt was a failure. i had 3 appointments, but 2 were already rented by the time i got there. the third was a studio in a big complex. it was ok. livable. close to whole foods, and not terribly terribly far from the metro. but nothing worth coveting. so i'm passing on it. perhaps this will prove to be a foolish move, but i think i should keep looking. maybe the realtor will find me something amazing.

i do, however, have a much better idea of neighborhoods. by no means comprehensive, but better. au really is surrounded by residential zones. not much by way of a little downtown nearby. but its not far from georgetown, which is very cute and inviting, so i suppose that works.

after all the looking (& walking!) i headed back to chinatown for the bus. i ate a little, got on the bus, read a bit and eventually, i started thinking a lot about jk and questioning things. i got a bit misty-eyed, and then fell asleep.

then, somewhere around edison, nj, we got a flat tire. thinking i was fairly close to home, and know someone with a car, i gave him a call. he lied about being sober, then made up excuses (involving pizza) about why he couldn't come get me. and its not so much the fact that he didn't. it more that, in my thinking, in my worldview-if you will, when you care about someone, you go out of your way to make them happy. you try to help them out of predicaments without being asked. making them smile makes you smile.

so, eventually the tire gets fixed, and we're back on the road. we got into the city around midnight, and i was home by 12:45 (now, if i had been picked up in edison, even with bad traffic, i would have been home by 11). now, k had told me to call when i got to the city so we could hang out, and i first called right before going through the holland. then when i got off the bus. then between the subway and the path. never an answer, so i just went home. and when i walked in the apartment, sitting on my desk was a box from a friend of mine. perhaps friend is overstating. it was from a guy i knew in college, who was a friend of several of my friends. we had a few im conversations here and there. we spoke at parties, but i have never been in posession of his telephone number. and as far as i know he has never had mine. but a while ago i sent many people nyc condoms from work and he was among them. in return he sent me, priority mail, a box of cookies, homebaked in his own kitchen. and i thought....now that is what i've been looking for.

now, this is not to say that i've been looking for it in this particular pseudo-friend. not at all. but that is the type of thing i would expect a loved one to do.

so, then yesterday, i was at work all day. 9 hours to be exact. i did get free dinner out of it, but it was still annoying and stressful. i got home just in time for the sopranos finale, and k & clay brought over some pizza from pizzaland. i didn't have hbo for the first 85% of the sopranos run, and as a latecomer, i never understood the acclaim it had earned. i never found the stories that compelling (though i had taken an interest in the anthony jr. storyline i suppose), i found the ways that women were treated at time appalling, and i've never enjoyed graphic violence. it just wasn't my bag. but everyone (especially in jersey, but including my parents) has been enchanted by it, so i gave it one last shot. i figured it would go out with a bang, and i'd finally be swayed.

and then it ended. and i was miffed. i'd call it awful, but it isn't even deserving of a reaction. at that point i said i was fed up with tv and wasn't watching anything else on hbo. so i went to my room to read. when the john from cincinatti ended, k came in and said he was leaving so he could do some ironing. i wimpered a bit and he left. then i called him and wimpered more. then i had a good crying session. then i called my mama, and had a very long chat about all things relating to love.

today i still feel deflated. i don't know what i want, or if i want anything at all. i suppose it doesn't really matter what i want. i have a certain set of circumstances to deal with and from those i will make my own history.

prospecting & mobility

originally, there was going to be a big fun roadtrip to dc this weekend. then everyone else backed out. so now estoy sola. but i think i'm still going to go, even though i only have one place to look at.
it will be good to see bii jih bah (& the fraudulent admiral) and maybe i can at least see some neighborhoods. i think i'll head back up this way saturday evening though, and maybe even show up to evan's going away party.

speaking of parties, its about time to start planning one for myself. i need a good concept. its a damn shame i already used the neocolonial idea. perhaps something associated with dc....oh the lou party would have been so much better, but i'm not going to dwell on that. perhaps just a bar and people buying me shots would be best.

i've felt impermanent for so long. there's always been something in the back of my head saying "don't acquire things, you'll be moving soon. don't paint the walls, you'll leave here shortly. don't get attached. you'll be somewhere else in no time." and not that this is a bad thing. i always envisioned this part of my life as a time of mobility, change, excitement, travel, intrigue. and i suppose i've only really achieved the mundane aspects of that sort of life, but i'm not regretting it. but i was interviewing a woman today for work, and it all sort of hit me. i don't think it was even anything she said. but suddenly all i could think about was this woman (who is only a few years older than i) owns a home, doesn't plan to leave, will be at her job for the forseeable future, has a family, has furniture, probably a yard. and it sounded so nice. so comfortable. i guess i'm getting to that point where i, as guz would say "need to start making life decisions." i guess grad school is a start. and i think i'm really going to like living in dc. and i've never been one to be afraid of change (probably because in the last 4 years i haven't had much worth holding on to), but this is scary. i think because it feels like this is the big one. the change after which, all other changes happen at a significantly depreciated rate. and maybe i'm ready for it. or maybe i'm not, but i'm going into it with a positive attitude. now, if i can just find a fairly cheap apartment...

limpiando

i started the great clean last night.

i'm throwing away what looks like 100 magazines in a pile, but its really about 10.

i'm putting a pair of shoes on ebay.

i threw out some nlirh stuff too.

unfortunately, i want to keep too much stuff. i think a lot of people may be receiving packages of random crap from me this month...i won't be offended if you throw it away. i promise.

i only hope that moving frequently helps me keep a simplistic lifestyle. not that its necessarily worked up to this point. I have moved 6 times in the last 4 years, and i'm still a pack rat.

freegan moving

tomorrow is june 1, officially marking the beginning of my last month of permanent new jersey living.
and so, i am about to embark on what i hope to be a socially responsible and cheap move. i hope to follow the freegan philosophy of waste-minimalization, and so, i hope to give away a large amount of what i am not taking with me. this includes clothing, books, furniture, random appliance like things, etc.

this weekend i'll be mailing a big box to my parents which has a lot of their stuff in it, plus things i'll need while in IL.

but there is much more excess in my posession. so i hope that craigslist & freecycle will absorb much of it.

and so (not that anyone reads this) if you are looking for any of these things, let me know:
crappy lexmark printer (works fine, but it was like, $30 originally)
old school inkjet printer
ikea bed stand
full length mirror
small ikea desk
wooden slat chair
broken dresser (no bottom drawer, but you can't tell from looking at it)
old sneakers of many varieties (sizes 8-9)
many many t shirts (small-medium)
art
books including: bitch, the original coming out guide, some goulds, backlash
1/2 used bottles of lotion

probably much much more....i suppose i'll find out as i go along.

la guerra

i just got an email from nowar (yes, i'm still on the progressive alliance listserv, but i promise, i only read, never respond). apparently asg is voting (again) on (another) resolution to condemn the war in iraq.

i wonder if things have changed in 4 years. it was the early winter of 2003 when we sat in the back right corner of the northwestern room on a wednesday night. it was my first meeting from the back. i had always sat next to senator fong in the front row on the left before. it was one of many asg meetings i attended as a wo co senator, off campus senator, wo co president, academic committee member, and progressive alliance aggitator. but this one was probably the most disappointing of them all. most of my asg moments were met with opposition, but eventually things worked out. we eventually passed the lighting bill (no thanks to mike blake). we got our naomi wolf funding. we even escaped financial misconduct for the Park debacle. by the end, Carson, Le'Jamiel, Darcy & I were pretty tight. but the anti-war resolution? that was utter failure.

i do have fond memories however, of heading back to the co-op (in the glory days on ridge) and drinking no small amount of vodka with chris, jay, naureen, and i'm sure many others.

of course nostalgia is all well and good, but what's the point? this all complicates my larger, ongoing rumination on whether activism really does anything. now as a person working for a nonprofit which bases much of its work in grassroots action, perhaps this is a moot question to be raising. i certainly believe that policy and advocacy are paramount. lobbying is key. getting out the vote is of importance. but i am yet to be convinced that 10,000 people marching in dc really does anything at all. and certainly 50 students marching from the rock to norris and looping back to the library plaza is not going to affect national policy.

but maybe i'm too cynical. maybe its a start. or on the other hand, maybe i have a point. though i could probably lighten up about it. i'd suggest reading the last two scenarios in this piece.

Scammellot

we went down the shore this weekend, and everything was lovely. it truly lived up to its name like some mythical wonderland where all was right in the world. i guess there was a sense of returning to childhood, despite the fact that we were there to celebrate ryan officially becoming post-mid-twenties. i suppose one could say that there was quite a juxtaposion between the childlike activities of doing cartwheels on the beach & putting puzzles together and the adult-ness of doing laundry, washing dishes, and reading the New Yorker.

but i think the weekend succeeded on both accounts. it was fulfilling in all the right ways, relaxing, excapist, and quite frankly makes me want to (come across some large sum of capital,) open a bed & breakfast on LBI and spend my life at the beach. a girl can dream can't she?

so, now its back to city life. at least the weather is nice, sunny, bright. but its still wall street. fortunately, this weekend brings more travel, and i really only have a little over one month left in this place, which brings about simultaneous feelings of anxiety, anxiousness, excitement, and nostalgia. but this is a good move emotionally and intellectually. and there's definitely a huge part of me that can't wait!

hace un ano, mas o menos

ok, so i've been uploading some pictures from peru finally. i doubt anyone's really reading this anymore, but being the perfectionist i am, i like to have a lovely looking blog, even if its for my own enjoyment.

i also might write about some key moments i missed. gina's wedding, amanda & cari having daughters, something about that job that i never wrote about. so, i guess i'm disclaiming right now, do not assume a linear order to the blog. i will backdate things so that they will appear to be in chronological order, but the time in which they are written may not be linear.

cinco de mayo ha passado

its been a while, but i just randomly stumbled upon a blog that i was quite taken with and got a little inspired.


peruvian related things
* i attempted to make myself a peruvian style dinner the other day, though in reality it was much more like a peruvian lunch, in my experience at least: I had spicy saffron rice, smashed black beans, avocado & tomato slices, corn on the cobb, and a hard boiled egg. Very tasty, and I even had some chicha left in the fridge, but its been a few months, so i didn't partake. i think its time to throw it out.
*i'm seeing kelsey in a little over a week! she is brining me an inflatable llama from lima. she also may bring me an alpaca sweater, because i never bought one, and probably should have. i have to locate my leftover soles though. i think they've made their way to illinois (back to lima time), so it will probably require a phone call and mailing.
*my boss now has a half-peruvian daughter (she's salvadoriana, her husband is peruano). she's a pretty cute kid, though i must say, she doesn't compare to the radiance that is my own mexican-polish niece (mas o menos).


non-peruvian related items
this spring has been one of adulthood for me.
*3 babies born to close friends, plus my cousin in law is pregnant again.
*the whole grad school thing makes me feel adult-like.
*i've been to an engagement party and a wedding, and have another wedding next weekend. *this weekend i'm going away to the shore. the first weekend of june has been appointed as time to find an apartment in dc.
*i'm also being very domestic (at least in my planning). I want to make a rather elaborate quilt for myself. this is my inspiration:


and i'd also like to make something more reasonable for my sobrina.

*granted, i'm not all that grown up. i'm scouring craigslist for used furniture.


in other news, i think this blog needs more pictures. and i've been thinking about its function as well. i think i'd like it to be more of an everyday blog, than a strictly peruvian blog. to replace the myspace blog. because really...as lovely as it is, it might be time to move on (to facebook!--just kidding).


we'll see how long that lasts, but its worth a try.

camisas en todo el mundo

silvia returned from maternity (as if that is possible) and informed us all that while visiting her sister in miami, she had seen one of our shirts. just some random woman walking around in south beach.

which reminds me that i gave one to ms. moyer before her journey to south america. in her pictures, i noticed it prominently displayed. here's my favorite:

zapatos nuevos

i don't know where my poor shoe-buying luck comes from.

i'm the type of person that makes a conscious effort to buy comfortable shoes. i like to walk a lot. i'd much rather walk 20 blocks than take a subway. even when its 10 degrees outside. though when i walked from wall to 14th street on the coldest day of the year i did start to regret it about midway through soho. but i pressed on.

and so, i like shoes that both look pretty and i can walk in. this means flat. i do own 3 pairs of shoes that are heeled. i have worn them an average of 2 times each. so, last year, when it became apparent that i would need a new pair of fancy shoes for a friend's wedding, it did the only logical thing a girl can do. i observed that the new "fad" was these ballerina flat things, and bought the cheapest pair i could find (strangely the cheapest pair was ordered online from urban outfitters). I wore them to the wedding, which i arrived at by car. they were lovely (though i did get a fair amount of criticism from my truck-fixing, creme brule-making roommate for wearing shoes with less than a 2" heel), and fine for the occasion. then the reception began and my feet cramped up!

that hadn't happened since high school, when i would come home after a long saturday spent at speech tournaments, where i was forced to wear heels....maybe it was all the dancing....
a few days later i wore them to work, and took a short walk on my lunch break (in an attempt to find lisa loeb's apartment--an entirely other story), and it happened again. perhaps i wasn't getting enough potassium.

well, the wave of foot cramping continued, and i eventually retired the shoes.
last weekend, i found myself, again, looking for shoes to wear to a wedding-related event (this time an engagement party). i found a lovely pair of $20 flat sandal-ish shoes with a peep toe at target, and grabbed them up. the party was fine. my feet hurt by the end of it, but i had been standing for 3 hours. and, just like last time, i gave the shoes a go at work today. and again, bad news.

by the time i got to work, my right heel had bled through my gray pants. i was the first one to the office, so i stuck my leg in the sink and rinsed the pants out, which worked pretty well.
i spent the morning walking around barefoot, but when i had to make a trip to the bathroom around noon, i put the shoes back on. now the walk to the bathroom from my desk is about 10 feet each way. by the time i came back to my desk, i felt something wet under my left toes. i removed the shoe, once again to discover that a newly formed blister on my big toe was oozing clear puss. i got most of the liquid out of the blister with my handy box of kleenex (or kleenexes--what is the plural of kleenex anyway?).

now i'm just biding my time before i have to walk to the path and then home. i have a bandaid on the back of my heel, but the box only had one in it, and it might not be enough. maybe i'll tape some kleenex behind my ankle too. the oozing toe will just have to ooze away i suppose. at least for today.

tomorrow i'm wearing my starburys to work.

La Trenchera Luminosa del Presidente Gonzalo

Tonight I saw what I thought was a documentary about women imprisoned for involvement with Sendero Luminoso. But I was a little confused. The first clue was when 3 women, dressed in the red shirts and black skirts of the other senderistas began introducing themselves in the Navajo way. I thought to myself, are Quechua and Amayra Athabaskan languages? Are clans structured the same way in those cultures? Then it became unmistakably clear that it was indeed Dine' Bizzad. They were performing some sort of adaptation of Hamlet, which mentioned the names of several rez towns (Sheep Springs, Window Rock, Mexican Hat, etc). The Senderistas seemed to understand. Weird. I kept thinking how the hell did these Dine women get involved with S.L.? And what the hell were they doing in Peru in 1989.

But the credits cleared things up. It became clear that this was hardly documentary. Perhaps based on fact and documentary footage, but in no way authentic.

Still, it was pretty enjoyable, and I enjoyed hearing the director speak afterwards. Plus, who doesn't like to hear some Navajo once in a while.
Ya'at eh!

escuela

its been 30 seconds, but i thought i should write something about school too.
i'm pretty settled, but i'm first on the waitlist for another one, and if that happens to work out, it might be a difficult decision.
all in all i can't be disappointed with the results.
2 admits & 3 waitlists.



i've also decided recently, that i really want to go to mexico city. i'm not sure when though. i won't really have time this summer (though United seems to have round trip flights for under $200). and i'd like to go for at least a few weeks. 1st priority is Lima during the summer (maybe next Christmas break or something), but after that Mexico City is next. Unless Cusco is next. Oh, who knows....all i know is Mexico City is on the list.

patterson

so, i've been wanting to write about la fiesta de la virgen del carmen since last july. i'm finally getting around to it. of course there's very little written about chincheros, and even less (meaning absolutely nothing) on the actual fiesta, so i'm looking at a lot of fiestas patronas in the Peruvian & Bolivian Andes.
and in doing this research I keep finding things about Patterson, which makes me wish I had taken more advantage of my proximity to Patterson, NJ while here.
I'm starting to feel like my time here is winding down, which is both good and bad, and really if I'm in DC, which is what it looks like is going to happen, its very close. very weekend-trip-able.

also, there's a film I'm seeing monday about Sendero Luminoso women who were imprisoned. It looks so perfect. I mean, awful. But perfect. I'll make sure to write a good critique after seeing it.

chicha!

on thursday, i was given a code for ordering a free poster print from snapfish. I (figuratively) sifted through my pictures of peru on snapfish, settling on the picture of the ram's horn players at la fiesta de la virgen del carmen.

appropriately, as i was absorbed in the pictures, i got a phone call from jk. he was at a peruvian grocery store in rahway. he asked what i wanted and all i could think of was chicha morada. so, he bought me some and i drank it with (very tex-mexish) tacos this weekend. there's still plenty though. i'd like to experiement adding rum to it...???
what i really want though, is to go with him to the store, because i'd like to see if they have huancaina sauce. mmmmm i love me some papas huancainas. and the aroz for aroz con pollo. the green kind! funny how i wasn't entirely impressed by the food while there, but now i want some.

san luis

i was in the lou for the weekend. looking at a grad school. and i loved it. more than i thought i would. and now i'm very worried and anxious because i don't think i made a good impression
(and at this point you all reassure me i did--how could nell make a bad impression?)
there are few things i want badly. health for myself, friends, & family, a living wage, and.....school!
ah! i can't handle the suspense. especially because i think it will only end with heartbreak.
and this one will be far less pretty than the bright blue broken heart i drew for the picture blog last year.

but at least i know i've accomplished a lot in the last year. despite my stalled academic career, i'm moving forward in other areas (and backwards in areas such as "salary"). i don't believe things happen for a reason, but i've been a lucky person this far in life. hopefully that will continue. hopefully there will soon be two nellie hayneses in st. louis.

blogging para opcion

well, apparently today is the official blogging for choice day.
so i'm attempting to take part.

to keep with the lima theme, at work i've been working on a fact sheet about latin american women. its a very broad topic, but included are reproductive health and reproductive rights.


its very scary when one considers that the vast majority of women in the world really don't have much reproductive choice. barriers such as legality, economics, knowledge, availability, and stigma keep so many women in so many places from the true equality and justice they deserve. and the scariest part is that the US, a country slowly chipping away at that justice, has some of the most liberal policies.

oy, its so hard to work for justice in the world.