i'm not sure what it was, but immediately things seemed better. clearer, easier. and we talked. it wasn't a perfect talk. i still have misgivings about it. mostly the sentance (we'll try it and hopefully in 6 years this can work out). not that i disagree necessarily, but i guess i expected a different response. an "of course this will all work out" sort of thing. but i respect what i got more, i suppose. its more realistic. more us.
i've always said the relationship has been defined by its practicality. there were never fireworks. never the honeymoon phase. and in a way i want that (which i said last night), but in other ways, i realize that those things wear off, and who knows what you're left with. at least i know exactly whats in the middle, because there's no frosting on top. hell, maybe i've even got a twinkie on my hands here.another interesting, and fairly accurate point was brought up, but i am the one delaying things. which in a way is true. i mean, i've never wanted to rush into anything. but i think i'm often blind to my own influences on situations. everyone tells me the same thing. you have to say exactly what you want. and i always try. but i have a lot of masculine pride burried somewhere in my feminine frame. i don't want to be needy. i don't want to be demanding. i don't want to cry or in any way manipulate. but maybe those things are necessary at certain times. like balance, love is not a noun. it is a verb. an active verb. a constant struggle. a constant shift.
anyway, so who knows what will happen, but i've got 3 weeks to enjoy things as they are and i do believe i'll make the most of it. starting with a fun filled saturday of amnh, blondies, and maybe even a free concert in central park...
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