los diarios motocicleta

i watched the motorcycle diaries tonight for what i believe was the third time. its a gorgeous movie, haunting at times, and appeals to my leanings (however one would describe them). but its also the "intertextuality" of the film that makes me love it so much. for some reason its touched my life in strange ways.

to begin with, z-gil (the first of my anthro-gils) took me to see it in hopes of persuading me that latin america, not china, was a more fitting fieldwork location. the ploy worked. possibly too well. and here i am writing in a blog i started upon going off to perú.

secondly, most people know i have a soft spot for one gael garcía bernal. and seeing him always reminds me of that patrón party for cuarón where i hoped he'd be. alas, i had to settle for heather graham. and it was possibly the only time i "used" my NYRB credentials. but that was also the first time i met val. which is suppose is somehow significant. (note that despite a strong desire, i am not referring to her by the borat-inspired nickname)

its strange i suppose. the movie makes me remember places more than anything. lima and la paz (though i only noticed on this viewing that they never make it to bolivia-which is a shame, because 1952--the year they traveled--was also the year that land reform took place in bolivia). carbondale. jersey city. places that evoke strong nostalgia coupled with memories of unhappiness, at times. as the admiral wolye-holt would put it, the "kind of beaut[iful feeling] that hurts"

aaa 09: Installment 2

I woke up early in my big king size bed, to ee delivering me hot chocolate and croissant. i begrudgingly worked on the diss proposal for a few hours (methodology is complete), then finally in the afternoon i tore ee away from his musings on the workings of hegemony on the food network and we made our way to the marriott.

there, i briefly met up with the texan, then wandered off to a panel with ee to see riley. riley's paper was quite good, but the young man who followed him was painful to listen to. we skipped out. ee went to the book exhibit and i saw the texan again, and stopped to chat. at which point the lazy-eyed-texan also appeared. an uncomfortable conversation ensued.

time was drawing near for pine's epic honduran resolution vote so i wandered off to the business meeting and found a seat on the side. not long after i realized i was just down the row from the dumpling, and moved over to sit near her. much business was conducted including the official "goodbyes" to old board members performed through song by some old anthro dude with a guitar. the entire (250+) quorum was invited to sing along (to everyone's detriment). eventually, it came time for the big show...the resolution. immediately, an amendment was proposed by charles briggs to explicitly condemn the results of the recent election and call on the US government to not recognize the results. it passed unanimously.

and then things got a little funky. some dude (presumably honduran) read aloud what seemed like a 20 minute long letter from some honduran anthropologists condemning the resolution as among other things, imperialist. it accused some (honduran?) anthropologists of voluntarily leaving the ministry of culture. it suggested honduran anthros were not consulted in writing the resolution. bunny (a 90+ year old anthro) commented we needed to have a plan for implementation. the (presumably honduran) dude again stood up to clarify that he did not write the letter but agreed with it. someone asked rosemary joyce a question, which she did not understand, but setha low (aaa prez) clarified that robert's rules of order stipulate the question could not be restated. alas, we moved on to pine's empassioned (as usual) and frantic (as usual) plea that these honduran anthropologists represented not all honduran anthropologists, and there were plenty more academics in honduras who had been persecuted. she gave a number of examples. finally, a venezuelan woman stood up shouting, crying and suggesting we stand in solidarity, not with honduran anthropologists, but the honduran people.

the question was called and we VOTED to vote. it was confirmed. then we VOTED on the question (being whether to pass or not). it passed the (now iffy) quorum. but this second vote does not mean that the resolution passed. oh no. it simply means that it is now eligible to be put be VOTED on by the entire AAA membership. yes, 3 votes to make this happen. who knows when we'll know for sure.

After all this, I met up with the So Ill kids, Gerry, Yata-Tanaka, & Juancho. we had some tasty food, and came up with brilliant questions for Gerry (the primatologist among us) to ask in cultural sessions. Gems included "Can you explain how this is related to hegemonic ideologies of transnationalism?" and "One word. Intersubjectivity. Think about it." Later bryan suggested throwing in the word "Linkages." after dinner we wandered over to Finn's and drank a few beers with bryan and channell, who was getting on my nerves. Futurama eventually joined us, and she was actually quite pleasant to be around. We eventually wandered back to a king size bed and passed out with plenty of room between us.

el sol

i was lying in bed this afternoon, listening to music, sort of "napping." I was listening to Kate Nash and her lyrics really struck me

I can be alone, yeah
I can watch a sunset on my own

how very appropriate.

of course, only my anthropology nouveau folks in the dale would really understand. and they don't read this, but i wanted to somehow commit it to memory. i should probably call mom and make sure she's fed the lizard too.

notes on the professor's visit

ponger always uses the wrong pronoun. of course, this, he says, is because they "do not have pronouns in my country." in any case, i am always "sir," and jcmc is always referred to as "she" when not referenced as "nell's boyfriend." usually this is all in good fun, and one of the many lovable aspects of frimdog's ideolect (like "come again?" and "cursory perusal"). but, in the presence of transpeople, i was a little scared. would it put him/us in an uncomfortable situation? would he use the wrong pronoun, and be misinterpreted as delegitimizing gender identity?

but in the end, ponger was his usual, charming, funny, drunk on the captain self. and its a shame our paths cross so infrequently. at least we've now officially authored our first paper together. here's to 299 more!

el mismo

sorry to disappoint, but the scandalousness that was aaa will not be recounted further in the blog. i'd like to keep some level of composure here.

but i will recount my last several days. i spent them in the basement of batelle. in the cubes. no sunlight, no cell phone service. just computer screens, florescent light, and lots of anthronerdiness.

one of my strangely favorite memories of the dale was the weekend before finals, that first semester. the crew and i put on our thinking pants, headed to faner, and spent our weekend typing away. no, it wasn't the most pleasant of times, but it did produce a lively dodgeball-esque hissing cheer, and the appendix of alternative titles to my marxist eco-feminist archaeology paper (my favorite still being "Bones, Bitches, and Debitage: A Marxist Ecofeminist Interpretation of Khok Phanom Di") .

and in a very different way, this weekend served the same role in my life. the commeraderie was different, but still present. there were horseshoe mustache debates, and absinthe plans made. really, all that was missing was the thinking pants. but what this really all serves to say is that i feel my socialization is somewhat complete now. i belong (and perhaps am a citizen?). i am a part of the department, and really i probably should have just been spending more time in the cubes much earlier, but well, i guess maybe there was a part in me that wanted to remain the mysterious h.c. alas, the mystery is over, but i don't regret it for a moment.

una hag de nuevo

well, perhaps it was inevitable, but all of my new school friends, other than the jag, are gay men. the last 5 people i entered into my phone were gay men.

but it feels like home. i haven't really been in that little world since my days of hanging at roscoe's and charlie's (and unfortunately, spin). sure, i saw dwt a few times in queens, plus leo and upside in the dale. but really, since 2003 i've been very absent from the gay bar scene. for better or worse.

so i have the option of going to an 18 & over gay club tomorrow night after class. i'll probably pass. but i am attending a gay dinner party friday night. i think i'm destined to never have female friends again...

el mismo

the more things change, the more they stay the same.

i couldn't help but notice the similarity of my living room to the one i had 3 years ago. and i couldn't help but make an ode to what is probably my greatest photographic work (at least in an egotistical sense).

the lighting's not as good, and it took me quite a few tries to get the expression similar to the original. which perhaps is not shocking, but realize that the original was taken on a film camera. i took 2 pictures. no retakes. no testing the lighting to see how it shows up. and i still think they're better. but maybe its the enigma that makes me like them more. maybe its the context, the positionality. the knowledge of what happened before, and especially after those pictures were taken.

the unfortunate part of it all is that i don't even have a reason to get dressed up for halloween this year.

lengua, sexualidad, y cuidadania

on my way to class tonight, i caught part of an npr story on a transgender woman who claimed her gender reassignment surgery as a tax deduction and the irs is denying the deduction.

what really got to me was the comparison with anorexia that was drawn by an "expert." "we need to fix the mind" i believe is the quote.

sigh.

speaking of sexuality and citizenship, i spoke to my wife tonight. although i think she's my ex wife. or maybe we're polygamous. well "we" meaning "she" because i certainly don't have a new wife.

we talked about nostalgia in class too. in freudian/lacanian terms. perhaps it is the past tense of desire. but i have a more complex relationship with the idea i believe. i've been thinking that i'm always concerned with playing things out. what would have happened. i need to learn to be ok with not knowing. i wouldn't say that i ever really regret. but i long to know. and why? if i'm happy now, why is it important what might have happened. what's important is what did happen. right? does this even make sense? probably not. but that is my new attempt at zen. not worrying about the might/could/should/would. "be here now" i guess.

i say this, of course, as i sit at my desk, staring at a picture of my bilagaanas & howard. & manu. how do you say indian (of the south asian sort) in dine'?

historia

its funny how history creeps up on you. such strange ways.


i was looking at old marky marx notes from the dale, and noticed the way i drew arrows was different back then. later in the notes from that semester i had begun drawing them they way i do now, and suddenly i remembered, zig draws them this way. he always sat next to me in johnny mac's class, and convinced me that his way was superior. as i think back, i'm not totally convinced now. aesthetically, i like the old way better.


but i think i'm stuck. its natural now. like a maussian technique of the body. those arrows, that time of my life, that history will be a part of me forever. and in a way that makes me really happy. even if i never speak to zig again, or any of the anthropology nouveauers again (which is unlikely, thankfully), i hope that someday, one of them will look at something random and realize what a role i played in the changing of that one small thing.

oy, german ideology is getting to me.

la nell nueva

so, i'm somehow coming out of my shy shell a bit.
i was actually doing a good job of starting conversations with people on friday at orientation, then last night, i made my big move and went to the party alone! and it was great!

it was a small party, with around 10 guests, so it turned out that everyone was basically in one big conversation. which was great, because it was less pressure on me, but i still felt involved. and i met two other people working on "body" stuff. lots of people i think i'll get along with really well.

plus there are a few 1st year people i have high hopes for. i think after visiting carbondale this summer i was really anxious about how the friendship component would turn out. i realized there that mags, kim, tami, jerry, zig, frank, yukitec, etc really were a great crew and how much i really do miss them. which then made me too quick to judge others. i think its all going to work out.

now my major stress is the leap's class. some of the people at the party made me a little worried. mostly because i totally don't get the althussier. i've got time to re-read though. and hopefully no judgements will be made too early into the semester. ah!

so, i went to the dale. and it was lovely.




we went to mugsy's, and i had lovely talks with frank & dan. yuki was there, and kim too, along with mags-who both noticed two girls in the corner looking at me. we couldn't decide if they were lesbians or just emo girls, but their staring convinced us of the former. we had to take a bathroom trip all together so i could look at them inconspicuously. kim says i could do better. i certainly hope so.


ponger also came and was tellling me about presenting a paper this year at the lavendar languages conference at au. he met bill and i asked if he met e. patrick, which he confirmed, but i also wonder what exactly he means by "met" (sir, i mean ma'am!). --speaking of which i found my birthday card from the anthropology nouveau cohort the other day, and got all sentimental. not that the whole trip wasn't sentimental--after the bar, frank and i went to denny's. i think the only two times i've been to that denny's were with frank. both quite late at night.


saturday, i got up late and went to panera--i said it was a sentimental trip--then watched apocalypto with frank. which, as zach would say, was "less than interesting." then dan came over with his dog, who was adorable, and actually liked me (and she doesn't like the hippie girls matt brings over, apparently). we made food to take to the potluck, and then went to coryn's.


first, we stopped at westside liquors for drinks. i bought a 6 pack, and then realized i had left my wallet in my car. frank paid for me (note: dumbass move #1). as we pulled up in frank's sweet minivan, he said "nobody fall in the ditch! carlo fell in last time we were here." i made some smartass comment about being capapble of getting out of the car.


the potluck was good, mostly. candy was there, along with her husband, who i ended up talking to more than i wanted, but i also got to meet yata tanaka's new boyfriend who was as dorky and strange as described, but nice. quite a few new people who also seemed nice and relatively normal. and coryn was very nice. for an archaeologist.


after a few hours, 2 beers, and some of steve's amazing! pineapple upsidedown cake, we decided to leave to get frank's (after)party started. we took my dip & chips, plus mags's chips & dip. i carried all of it, for some reason. when we walked outside it was about 9:15 and completely dark. apparently, the southwest side of carbondale has a lot in common with evanston when it comes to lighting. as we walked across the yard i said, "ok, now is the time i'll fall in the ditch." frank said "what?" and i started to repeat myself. when i got to the "i'll" i tried to make the step from the yard to the driveway to avert the ditch, but misstepped, and consequently scraped my entire body down the side of the driveway and into the ditch, throwing both bags of chips and all the dip in the air (dumbass move #2).


i had to sit there for a minute, i was laughing so hard. eventually, i got up and we gathered the salvageable remnants of the food. frank had a roll of papertowels in his sweet minivan which i used to sop up blood. i'm so smooth.


eventually we got back and i cleaned up most of the blood. i started on my first boone's farm. mags came shortly afterwards, and brought a few farm products with her too. eventually, quite a crew was there. jessica, a new archaeologist, yuki, mags, and then zach and val came. i was pretty apprehensive about seeing zach, since i never really told him goodbye, and our friendship was sort of in shambles when i left. even though neither of us would have admitted it at the time. but it was really good to see him. he's going to florida for his ph.d. and val's going with him. i guess that's what married people do. weird.


at some point, dan started mixing us mojitos, that got progressively stronger. and then ponger showed up with a strange entourage. but then again, when does he not come with random people in tow. i talked to some guy getting a bio ph.d about the politics of speaking spanish vs. english for a while. and dan was apparently mesmerized by one of ponger's latina lady friends. and i don't mean ladyfriend. at least i don't think anyway.


we stayed up until 4 am, or so, and i ended up sleeping really late on sunday. i basically just got up, made my rounds saying goodbyes, and then drove home. i miss them all a lot. and i've never regretted leaving (especially being there and hearing how often complaints about funding come up), but i wish there was some way i could see them more.

cosas ultimas

as i was walking to target for some last minute items today, i was thinking about something mccall once said to me. (no, not "as the british would say 'do something sexy."--though i guess i have taken that advice).

once, early in the year we were discussing thesis topics and i mentioned being interested in the gentrification of jersey city, as viewed through interactions with 111 1st street. anyway, he told me that often we do things because they are convenient due to our current circumstances (he even mentioned marriage as an example...forshadowing his own problems, perhaps?). he then advised that i do something because i really wanted to and was interested, not because it was easy, convenient or "made sense." and i have certainly taken that advice, though probably not in the way he intended.

so, mccall, not that i doubted it, but in addition to your wonderful words of wisdom ("where the edge is", "post-cadillac", "some would call me a postmodernist, but i would argue no such thing exists.") you give good advice too.

manana es mi dia ultimo en los estados unidos.
adios!