examen de pub

last night k & i met mo & spat in hoboken for quiz. it was our first time there and the set up was similar to hooters, only with legit questions and a crowd that was....more our speed. we didn't win (we had one shut out round), but we did win free shots. and this quiz has no entry fee, so who can complain? plus, it was good to get one last quiz in before departing, even if there was no turd place.

the moving process is coming along. i have a bunch of stuff in boxes. no one wants my furniture. not surprising considering its quality, but a little disappointing. maybe someone will take it when i put it out for big trash. my goal is to get the dresser out thursday, at least. maybe even the desk too.

i still have a long list of tasks, including getting euros, paying bills, and finding a storage place, but it seems managable. its all really starting to hit me. i'm LEAVING. i've always had a love/hate relationship with this place, but as much as i've tried to deny it, its been home. i do see people i know on the street. i feel like people have my back at the bar. its comfortable. but, i've never been one to be afraid of change so i'm trying to charge forward without looking back. its comforting knowing, however, that the jc will be just a short bus ride away.

nel pastel

as you may have noticed, i changed the address of the blog. in fact, you'd have to notice to get here.

i had been thinking that nellinperu wasn't really working anymore, since i am dragging my writing out far beyond my time in lima (though, for now, the title's staying lima time). this weekend, the perfect name hit me. so there it is. nel(l) pastel. no cake. no way, jose.

anyway, there's your explanation. sort of. more about the moving experience coming soon.

viernes

its been a long week of work. it started sunday when i worked noon to around 8pm, then worked from home from 9-9:30 (while watching the sopranos & eating pizza from pizzaland). the week has been long, but i was worried i'd have to miss softball. fortunately, it looks like i'll be able to get out of here in about an hour.

i also suffered my first allergy attack of the season. not the worst ever, but sleeping was next to impossible.

all this adds up to not accomplishing much in the moving department. here is what i have done:
essentially sorted all of my clothing into 4 piles (store in NJ--winter clothes, ship home--summer clothes, take to paris, get rid of). i also cleaned out my two top drawers which contained a wide array of cosmetics, lotions, first aid materials, hair stuff, and other random health and grooming products & equipment.

so, things are moving slowly but surely i suppose you could say. and the weekend should be better, i have a fun upperwestside saturday morning/afternoon planned, followed by a queens slumberparty (note the pun). i also might see nancy drew, despite scathing reviews

I'm looking forward to it all. Hopefully this will keep my mind off all the stress

siento mejor, en parte porque el chupacabra

things are a bit better as of last night.



i'm not sure what it was, but immediately things seemed better. clearer, easier. and we talked. it wasn't a perfect talk. i still have misgivings about it. mostly the sentance (we'll try it and hopefully in 6 years this can work out). not that i disagree necessarily, but i guess i expected a different response. an "of course this will all work out" sort of thing. but i respect what i got more, i suppose. its more realistic. more us.



i've always said the relationship has been defined by its practicality. there were never fireworks. never the honeymoon phase. and in a way i want that (which i said last night), but in other ways, i realize that those things wear off, and who knows what you're left with. at least i know exactly whats in the middle, because there's no frosting on top. hell, maybe i've even got a twinkie on my hands here.

another interesting, and fairly accurate point was brought up, but i am the one delaying things. which in a way is true. i mean, i've never wanted to rush into anything. but i think i'm often blind to my own influences on situations. everyone tells me the same thing. you have to say exactly what you want. and i always try. but i have a lot of masculine pride burried somewhere in my feminine frame. i don't want to be needy. i don't want to be demanding. i don't want to cry or in any way manipulate. but maybe those things are necessary at certain times. like balance, love is not a noun. it is a verb. an active verb. a constant struggle. a constant shift.



anyway, so who knows what will happen, but i've got 3 weeks to enjoy things as they are and i do believe i'll make the most of it. starting with a fun filled saturday of amnh, blondies, and maybe even a free concert in central park...

buscando para una casita y amor

well, the homehunt was a failure. i had 3 appointments, but 2 were already rented by the time i got there. the third was a studio in a big complex. it was ok. livable. close to whole foods, and not terribly terribly far from the metro. but nothing worth coveting. so i'm passing on it. perhaps this will prove to be a foolish move, but i think i should keep looking. maybe the realtor will find me something amazing.

i do, however, have a much better idea of neighborhoods. by no means comprehensive, but better. au really is surrounded by residential zones. not much by way of a little downtown nearby. but its not far from georgetown, which is very cute and inviting, so i suppose that works.

after all the looking (& walking!) i headed back to chinatown for the bus. i ate a little, got on the bus, read a bit and eventually, i started thinking a lot about jk and questioning things. i got a bit misty-eyed, and then fell asleep.

then, somewhere around edison, nj, we got a flat tire. thinking i was fairly close to home, and know someone with a car, i gave him a call. he lied about being sober, then made up excuses (involving pizza) about why he couldn't come get me. and its not so much the fact that he didn't. it more that, in my thinking, in my worldview-if you will, when you care about someone, you go out of your way to make them happy. you try to help them out of predicaments without being asked. making them smile makes you smile.

so, eventually the tire gets fixed, and we're back on the road. we got into the city around midnight, and i was home by 12:45 (now, if i had been picked up in edison, even with bad traffic, i would have been home by 11). now, k had told me to call when i got to the city so we could hang out, and i first called right before going through the holland. then when i got off the bus. then between the subway and the path. never an answer, so i just went home. and when i walked in the apartment, sitting on my desk was a box from a friend of mine. perhaps friend is overstating. it was from a guy i knew in college, who was a friend of several of my friends. we had a few im conversations here and there. we spoke at parties, but i have never been in posession of his telephone number. and as far as i know he has never had mine. but a while ago i sent many people nyc condoms from work and he was among them. in return he sent me, priority mail, a box of cookies, homebaked in his own kitchen. and i thought....now that is what i've been looking for.

now, this is not to say that i've been looking for it in this particular pseudo-friend. not at all. but that is the type of thing i would expect a loved one to do.

so, then yesterday, i was at work all day. 9 hours to be exact. i did get free dinner out of it, but it was still annoying and stressful. i got home just in time for the sopranos finale, and k & clay brought over some pizza from pizzaland. i didn't have hbo for the first 85% of the sopranos run, and as a latecomer, i never understood the acclaim it had earned. i never found the stories that compelling (though i had taken an interest in the anthony jr. storyline i suppose), i found the ways that women were treated at time appalling, and i've never enjoyed graphic violence. it just wasn't my bag. but everyone (especially in jersey, but including my parents) has been enchanted by it, so i gave it one last shot. i figured it would go out with a bang, and i'd finally be swayed.

and then it ended. and i was miffed. i'd call it awful, but it isn't even deserving of a reaction. at that point i said i was fed up with tv and wasn't watching anything else on hbo. so i went to my room to read. when the john from cincinatti ended, k came in and said he was leaving so he could do some ironing. i wimpered a bit and he left. then i called him and wimpered more. then i had a good crying session. then i called my mama, and had a very long chat about all things relating to love.

today i still feel deflated. i don't know what i want, or if i want anything at all. i suppose it doesn't really matter what i want. i have a certain set of circumstances to deal with and from those i will make my own history.

prospecting & mobility

originally, there was going to be a big fun roadtrip to dc this weekend. then everyone else backed out. so now estoy sola. but i think i'm still going to go, even though i only have one place to look at.
it will be good to see bii jih bah (& the fraudulent admiral) and maybe i can at least see some neighborhoods. i think i'll head back up this way saturday evening though, and maybe even show up to evan's going away party.

speaking of parties, its about time to start planning one for myself. i need a good concept. its a damn shame i already used the neocolonial idea. perhaps something associated with dc....oh the lou party would have been so much better, but i'm not going to dwell on that. perhaps just a bar and people buying me shots would be best.

i've felt impermanent for so long. there's always been something in the back of my head saying "don't acquire things, you'll be moving soon. don't paint the walls, you'll leave here shortly. don't get attached. you'll be somewhere else in no time." and not that this is a bad thing. i always envisioned this part of my life as a time of mobility, change, excitement, travel, intrigue. and i suppose i've only really achieved the mundane aspects of that sort of life, but i'm not regretting it. but i was interviewing a woman today for work, and it all sort of hit me. i don't think it was even anything she said. but suddenly all i could think about was this woman (who is only a few years older than i) owns a home, doesn't plan to leave, will be at her job for the forseeable future, has a family, has furniture, probably a yard. and it sounded so nice. so comfortable. i guess i'm getting to that point where i, as guz would say "need to start making life decisions." i guess grad school is a start. and i think i'm really going to like living in dc. and i've never been one to be afraid of change (probably because in the last 4 years i haven't had much worth holding on to), but this is scary. i think because it feels like this is the big one. the change after which, all other changes happen at a significantly depreciated rate. and maybe i'm ready for it. or maybe i'm not, but i'm going into it with a positive attitude. now, if i can just find a fairly cheap apartment...

limpiando

i started the great clean last night.

i'm throwing away what looks like 100 magazines in a pile, but its really about 10.

i'm putting a pair of shoes on ebay.

i threw out some nlirh stuff too.

unfortunately, i want to keep too much stuff. i think a lot of people may be receiving packages of random crap from me this month...i won't be offended if you throw it away. i promise.

i only hope that moving frequently helps me keep a simplistic lifestyle. not that its necessarily worked up to this point. I have moved 6 times in the last 4 years, and i'm still a pack rat.