once again, proof that the butter cow and citizenship are (to quote Nancy Fraser) "interimbricated"

(previously discussed in #5 here)

chicago

this place is "comfortable" a friend told me last night. there's something about this city that just fits. its natural. i never feel like i'm squeezing myself into what someone here is supposed to be or do. i never feel like a tourist who has stayed 2 years too long.

and fate has a way or making things happen here. last weekend, i went to meet some dc friends for dinner. i walked into the restaurant and who happened to be sitting at their table but ms. snow. apparently her man-friend went to college with (the other) jk. so, she invited me to a bbq she was throwing for brunjeses. and when i showed up on monday the r____ came along and we had a mini JC reunion. on tuesday i accompanied brunjeses to the film fest in which our JC masterpiece was being shown (note that using the word "our" in no way implies i did more than take trips to the JC salvation army, the police station in the heights, and stand around for a few hours on 5th & coles on a wintery day). as the program ended i got a text from she-ra asking if that was my name she saw in the credits. Yes, people just keep popping up all around. it seems like every time i leave the apartment someone new (but really, old) crosses my path.

which is exciting, in part, because i've been thinking about friends. i seem to be at an interesting moment in life where there are tensions between new friend, old friends, and those that were sort of friends before, and following a period of absence are poised to become better friends. there are the people like ee and otto who are working their ways into my heart, but its an uphill battle. i'm not sure if its because i'm not open to them or if the chemistry just isn't there. there are the oldies like the r___ who seem to grow more distant each day. and though there are times when i want desperately to grasp on and do everything i can to not let the friendship slip. and others when it seems inevitable that this will fade away in time. there are the old friends that i never doubt will always be there, but more and more of them fall out of that category and into a more precarious one. and then there are the new (but old) friends, and the new-new friends. and i have little profound to say about them, except that taken all together, the different kinds of people in my life present a challenge. where does one focus energy? is it more important to keep the people you hold dear or make new friends where you are (whether for the moment or for a good while)? ideally of course, one could maintain all of them, but we know that we have limited resources. some kids must be cut from the team. or at least banished to 2nd string. (and now i commence a my boys-esque thought) but is a history of talent more important than future potential? What is the homerun from 8 seasons ago worth today? And are the well formed double batted swings on deck worth taking a chance on? I guess you never know until you try. And people make the wrong choices all the time. But maybe no amount of comtemplating or planning can ensure a playoff team. Maybe you just open up the call and see who shows up.

ok, enough silly rambling. as if things weren't confusing enough i am now contemplating giving the r____ the painting that i recently rescued from the r___.

cumpleanos

its weird when a widely read blog reminds you that you should probably email your friend a happy birthday message.

musica de la cama

back in my younger days, i occasionally listened to a band called phish. this is not something i always admit to. but i'm feeling forthright today. phish wrote their own songs, they did covers. most of them went on for minutes in multiples of ten. but there was one short simple song i always thought was the nicest (which i believe was an original, but i could be wrong).

its called "Lengthwise"
the lyrics are simply
"when you're here, i sleep lengthwise.
and when you're gone, i sleep diagonal in my bed."

i woke up diagonally this morning, alone in bed. and i thought about the song. i always thought of it as a love song. its sometimes the little things that matter. sure things like planning vacations together or rescheduling appointments can be important. but sometimes its the often-overlooked simple parts of life that make the most difference. and accommodating another person in ways that seem mundane may be far more significant that we imagine.

though i'll never be convinced to switch to crunchy peanut butter

ya, noticia mala

one of the biggest wayna rappers of el alto was fatally hit by a bus, recently.
upside down world's obituary for Abraham Bojorquez

esta official

its been a while, and i only write to say this:
the airplane ticket to bolivia has been purchased.

now who's going to make one of these for me?

futbol americana

this is just appalling. i don't know what else to say.
in fact its turning my otherwise wonderful day bad.

fortunately gelato & booze will soon make me forget this horrendousness.

coca y maiz

i'm taking my comprehensive exam, so you'll have to excuse the previous lack of posting and now shameful excuse for posting.

but i found this rather interesting. I have yet to read In Defense of Food, but maybe one of these days... once i'm done being forced to write about the implications of political economy in the creation, perpetuation, and transformation of selves, social subjects and agency... i'll get around to reading it. and then, perhaps, i will write something real to post here.

in honor of comps

this is how i feel about what i'm working on today (which is the history of bolivian revolutionary action from 1781-2005, how it is embedded in political economy, and its relationship to conceptions of self, social subjectivity, and agency):


from sharesomecandy

baile de la escuela de doctorado

last friday i went to what i am now referring to as grad school prom. Dvine's book, Island of Shame, hit bookstores and his parents threw him a party. and despite his insistence that is was a casual affair, its location on a rooftop overlooking the washington monument suggested otherwise.

so, the department was buzzing all week with "what shall we wear?" in particular, all the HAGGs were trying to coordinate level of dressiness. this led to conversations (in person, via email, & on facebook) about whether dresses, skirts, or pants were best, what shoes were appropriate, and the requisite "how short is too short?" discussion. in the end we decided dresses, heels, and sax's earrings were most appropriate, as well as deciding we were all acting like 15 year olds.

now, at first glance, fancy events at this age might be more easily compared to weddings, what with the congratulatory speeches, fancy food, alcohol, and number of people of older generations present. but to me this felt more like prom because of the presence of people i see every day. these are people i've come to know in a very quotidian way. i've seen these folks racked with nervousness over class presentations, caving under the stress of final papers, frustrated with losses on the futbol field, and on the brink of utter breakdown thinking about comps. in essence i've seen these people at their worst (and they've seen me at mine). we live in a world where "how are you?" is more often met with "uh......still alive" than "good, how are you?" granted, i haven't seen these folks grow up the way i had with those attending high school prom. but i have seen them grow into their academic selves, which from our (privileged) position is perhaps just as important a formation.

and grad school prom is far superior to high school prom. there is no anxiety about dates. no drama in the women's bathroom (like with LM & MH), and there's WINE! lots and lots of free wine. and food. and beautiful views (not quite available in miller park). and an afterparty (that far surpasses the hey hi afterprom activties). rumagin, being the perennial cool kid, got too drunk on rum with his roommates to show up, so otto, jag & i met him at his place later for our usual basement activities.

i guess in a way, the evening provided a new episode in the saga that is my feelings about the people here: and on that night, in my heels and makeup, sitting in the basement on chesapeake, i felt like i was where i was supposed to be, with the people i was supposed to be. despite my aching feet, it felt comfortable. with the end of the year approaching quickly it was the perfect time with the perfect reason for celebration.

and you know its a good night when you lose important things like your wallet and don't even care.

scandal, blo/no style

http://normalcoalbears.com/

adendum

oh my

"women are hard wired to want peace....its i our DNA"

"boys will be boys"

this just gets better and better

aye, television

ok, so i somehow just started watching GREEK on abc family. i'm not sure why i did not surf around after turning the television on to this channel, but i didn't.

and now i just have to rant (i know, i know, its my own fault). but so on the show (which i know absolutely nothing about) there's a women's studies class of all women and one man. the professor asks a question, what 3 female leaders have in common (i've never heard of any of them....shows you what kind of womanist/feminist/queer/political scientist i am...) and the one man answers correctly: they all have a strong record of conflict resolution.

the professor affirms that this is correct then goes on to say "it is their instinct as women that has cultivated their abilities at conflict resolution." i waited for the "Psych!" and fully expected it, especially because the professor was being portrayed by Janine Garofalo. but no....apparently they were serious.

WTF? I guess I'd expect them to at least consult some sort of women's studies textbook. Maybe they did. Maybe it was written in the 1940s.

Makes you wonder what gross inaccuracies are being perpetuated in the art history class scenes.

la raza

i'm probably not as qualified to write about this as i'd like to think, but rumagin, delf & i were talking last week about comedy skits that satirize racial stereotypes, and (no matter their intentions) whether they serve to reinforce and naturalize sterotypes and ghettoization, or whether they destabalize them. i, being one to usually argue for the revolutionary potential of performance argue that comedic representations of stereotypes do destabalize them. perhaps people find them funny because they think they're "rooted in truth" but i think they also find them funny because they realize that they are satire-that they don't represent reality, but an exaggeration. and this tends to call into question how these things are constructed. overly-"ghettoized" language makes us realize that people who might talk in similar ways are themselves engaging in a social performance. satirizing the employment options in low income neighborhoods focuses attention on social inequalities.

of course, people often bring up Chappelle's resignation from his show because he felt people were laughing at him, not with him. and i don't doubt his reasons for feeling that way. but what this argument ignores is that at one point, and presumably for some time, he felt that his performance did have potential to change things. to denaturalize. perhaps to break down and reform popular and ideological notions of race. and maybe it didn't happen as quickly or as completely as he'd have liked. and he certainly had every right to decide what he did. but i think he was more effective than he thought. npr did a series in 2002 addressing these issues, and some other comic did seem to feel effective in dismantling stereotypes, at least to an extent.

but then again, maybe i give audiences too much credit. maybe i assume a critical viewer, where there are none. now, leap would say at this point we need audience reception studies. so, despite the fact that no one ever comments here these days, i know you're out there. so how do you think this stuff is received?

when you watch WacArnold, does it highlight for you the structural inequalities and violences of urban ghettoization, or do you laugh because, oh, those crazy black urban folks....they really do need to get a job.

Chappelle's Show
WacArnold's
comedycentral.com
Charlie Murphy Videos Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy

do you laugh at bon qui qui because it presents critique of racial stereotypes, or because "those people" really do talk funny?

seriously, i'm curious.

iowa

i used to dislike iowa. mostly because i had family in ames, and every thanksgiving and every december 26th, and often on a random july day, i'd be forced into sharing the blue station wagon's backset with my sister for a 6 hour journey across flat land. inevitably we'd arrive and my cousins, who i did actually rather enjoy, would be off with their cool older friends, and i'd be forced to endure "grownup" time with the aunts and uncles.

then in 2003, everything changed. a little documentary called "pats of glory," introduced me to the beauties of iowa's fair history, camping next to carnies, and deep fried...well, everything. i was hooked. and i won't go into too much detail because as rule #2 of the fair states, "what stays at the fair, stays at the fair," but my feelings on the state have only become more and more positive in the last 6 years.

and now, well, it might just be surpassing my love for its neighbor to the east. and its not just because of gay marriage. iowa has a long history of progressivism, which i admire. and this article really sums it up.

my love of iowa may even be surpassing my love of the land of lincoln (and obama--but then again, if i'm closely associating obama with illinois, some recent presidential actions -such as this and this-may be making the state slip in the rankings independent of what iowa's doing). illinois might have to start selling rooster booster to redeem itself.

sloppy & unprofessional

it seems butter carving (or sculpture) may make its debut on the big screen. but seriously....there's a big difference between carving and sculpture, and the blurb conflates the two. get it right!

just a little duff dog eye candy

also, in case you weren't paying attention, fujimori got sentanced to 25 years.

recuerdos y ideas

I wrote this for scammell's most recent piece, about memory. i'm not sure it'll make it into the final piece, but after about a month of reflection, i still kind of like what i said.

as something of an anthropologist i feel like i should frame memory in some sort of anthropological theory. of course, this is in no way indicative of anthropology as a whole, but i think memory is very intimately connected to ideas of truth and history. we are all who we are because of what we've experienced. we have these experiences and we try to break them up into digestible, understandable pieces. we chop experience up into memories in order to endow them with meaning. this is the moment i realized something, or this happened, or this experience is why i feel this way. but in reality, experience is just a long run on sentence of occurrances. and much like history, they depend entirely on perception. there is no single truth. there are as many truths as people who witness or live through an event. and yet, some truths are valued over others. they are reproduced and written down, and thus become fact, "official history." I think we do similar things with memories. We have a vast amount of experience from which to draw, but we choose certain memories from which to make meaning. these memories are a key part of the construction of our identities. they tell us who we were, and thus who we are. we make ourselves through our memories.

i've also been thinking about attraction a lot lately, too, and i think in a way its related. in fact, i think attraction may be the converse of memory in some ways. i have come to the conclusion that (and maybe this is cynical, but that would be rather in line with my usual musings on relationships) we are all attracted to people based on the idea of them. we attribute meaning before the substance, and sometimes forget that's the case.

its the idea that attracts us. the idea of that brooding filmmaker, or that silly footballer. and i think it matters very little how well we know the person. even if the object of attraction is an old friend, someone with whom we collaborate or create, even if we've witnessed them in other relationships or had our own previous relationships with them, its still the idea that attracts us initially. the idea of the good friend that becomes the lover. the idea of carrying over what we have into something else. the idea of the past relationship becoming renewed. we apply cultural narratives to our unique situations to make them meaningful. maybe epic.

perhaps more obviously, even if we've only known the person for a few moments, or simply seen them across a room. the attraction is the idea of them. we make assumptions based on our visual perceptions. As Celia Lury has written, vision and knowledge have become inextricably intertwined in modern Euro-American societies (1998:2). We make assumptions based on the visual. Certain clothing represents interests or values, glasses translate to intelligence, dreadlocks translate to particular recreational practices, a hoodie with 15 mini-buttons translates to some sort of leftist, anti-consumerist, possibly anarchist political position. And because, for the most part, we're using a common script, or what Eco calls “successive transcriptions” (1992:3) the translation is often close to what was intended by the performer. so, this is to say that often the idea of the person is not so far from the reality.

However, the idea is simply the iconic permutation of the real person. Certain aspects of identity may be highlighted while others are ignored or downplayed. And this happens on both ends, the attractor and the attracted. Or perhaps it's aspects of the affair itself that are highlighted or downplayed. Its scandalous nature highlighted, the mundane interactions downplayed. Or the comfort level highlighted, the misunderstandings downplayed.

But this is not to say that attraction is meaningless. Its what happens after the attraction that counts. Its what's built on top of the attraction that lasts. Because eventually (maybe it takes 30 seconds, maybe 4 years) the idea of this person, this encounter or relationship melts away to reveal the truth beneath it. That charasmatic artist becomes a real human with talent, but confidence issues, or the young ambitious politician transforms into a someone too absorbed with the state of affairs in the world, and not absorbed enough with you. But if you're lucky, that quirky bass player slowly transforms into a complex personality that is compatible, comfortable, and real. complete with faults and failings, but with just the right combination of smirks, jokes, surprises, and awkward talks about the future to make you realize its not just the idea of it anymore. there's real substance.

but only if you're lucky.

palabras y nombres

the world was feeling a little out of whack this weekend. maybe because i spent too much time at school. maybe because i cleaned our giant white board with harsh chemicals and the fumes were getting to me. i'm sure it had something to do with certain friendship weirdnesses, but things are feeling back in order again (nothing a little pineapple can't fix). i also think part of the fix has been the way i've been addressed by a number of people. "darlings" are always nice, as are "hello, love". "hey lady" or "baby" from certain folks. "nellochka!" is always nice. I even enjoy "haynes!" coming through on g chat.

last week, when mama H was visiting, i was actually thinking about being called "haynes." My mother calls my father that. My mom's coworkers call her Haynes. But i've never been called Haynes. Not even back in my team sports days. It was always "nellerz." The closest i've come is "Hell Nanes" thanks to the epic farter and rave demon. So maybe this is silly and crazy, but being called haynes actually make me like e.d.a. much better. funny how little things like discourse change minds and moods.

i suppose voloshinov was right

para serge

this blog needs more pictures.

las estrellas

i've mentioned this before, but i don't read my horoscope much. however, it seems like on the odd occasions when i do happen to check it out, it always seems far too appropriate.

today's:

You would be wise today to remember that your imagined scenario isn't the only one possible. This isn't to say you are wrong in any of your perceptions or even in your conclusions. But there are multiple paths diverging from several points along your way, even if they aren't obvious to you right now. Keep in mind that the Taurus Moon is currently in your 7th House of Environment, giving you the impression that reality is more rigid than it actually is. New solutions will become apparent as soon as tomorrow.

so, perhaps i worry too much. i get too caught up in things, and my control freak comes out. sometimes i need to remember that a deep breath can work wonders.

i still don't regret it though.